I'd like to share an insight that most will never see; thankfully. 

I want to tell you what it's like for someone living with Borderline personality disorder. 

I do not wish to show you this from a mostly scientific standpoint. I'd like to share my own thoughts as I have been carrying this load through my life.

Since I have come to completely see the sham of the entire medical field, and having studied psychology a good bit, I do not wish to explain what this is using only their terms. 

I'm going to say it easy enough for a child to understand. 

First off:
Trauma 

Trauma, especially at an early age can really mess up someone's mind. We don't really fully understand Trauma and all that is going on.

One traumatic experience at a young age will completely rewire a brain. All at once. 

Then we have recurring trauma. When someone is Enduring the same trauma over and over.

This really messes up the mind. 

Now say, a child is raised with a completely controlling mother and father. So controlling that every single thing you do is micromanaged and berated because "you're not good enough to do it exactly like they want it." This child can never live up to any expectations their "parents" desire.

And so they abuse by telling their child how much of a "piece of shit" they are because they didn't pick up their toys "right." These types of "parents" will even ridicule a child's eating habits. Don't smack, don't bite the spoon, don't use your right hand, don't cough don't blink-----basically everything this child does is "wrong" and they are "stupid."


This may not seem like much, but what is happening here is the mind of this child is being programmed to believe ALL OF THIS.

"Parents" like this will make a child feel like every thought they have is stupid. Every idea. Every truth this child sees is wrong. And they are right. Always. 

When it comes time this child grows up and starts making decisions for themselves, no matter what decisions this child makes, they are always wrong. And stupid. 

This child who is wanting to grow up and make their own decisions are being programmed to think that they don't know how to make decisions. Any decisions this child makes is going to destroy because their incapable of making any "good" decisions. 

This gets programmed into the decision making part of the brain that's starting to really develop around 7 years old. This programming isn't just programmed into the mind. No. This programming comes with experienceS. This has been programmed into the DNA at this point.

These "parents" have actually created a non functioning human. Growing up believing that they are incapable. At all things.

This person grows up and develops either bpd or narcissism as a defense mechanism. The numbers show the vast majority of people who experience this develop narcissism. 

BPD is known as "failed narcissism."

You see, the mind of this child is trying to protect itself. Narcissism helps keep this child from being hurt by the awful things being said and done to them. These individuals detach their emotions when it comes to others.

Consider BPD as the opposite of this.

We protect ourselves with our emotions. BPD requires an IQ of at least 136.

The part of the brain that controls emotions gets broken from the continuous trauma, and so instead of having just a little bit of anger or sadness, and yes on the flip side---joy and happiness. We get flooded with emotions that we have to learn to control, when the very part of the brain that controls emotions is BROKEN due to abuse of the mind. Simply "controlling" your emotions is impossible. 

It's like telling a person to hammer in a nail with no hammer.

These individuals feel very deeply. They love deeply due to the excess of emotions. We are empaths. We feel other people's emotions. We can actually feel other people's pain and joys. We can both laugh and cry with others as they laugh or cry for themselves. This makes us great comforters to others. We can connect with others on a deeper level than the 99% of the rest, because one thing we know is empathy.

Empathy is the super power of the person with BPD.

We can feel vibrational shifts.
Like standing in a crowd of people, listening and observing, and one single person gets offended, even showing only the tiniest physical signs, we can pick up on the tiniest shift in vibrations and know exactly when someone gets "hurt" no matter how good they are at "hiding it."

So, we do, in fact, love very deeply. 

The toughest battle I have felt is a broken heart. A broken spirit. These things crushed me as a child. I developed under this hurting. I have cried an ocean of tears in my time here. Both for myself, and as equally and as passionately for others as well.

If you're around me, and you are hurting, I am hurting. If you drop tears, I drop tears. No one has ever gone through that "alone" when I was even in the vaccinity. I've done thos total strangers I've walked by.

This is my blessing, as well as my burden. 

After Enduring a lifetime of this, and growing up in a time when we had none of thos information, and no one even understood BPD was back then, I have dealt with one thing most of all.

Suicidal ideation. 

I have battled punching my own clock my entire life.

I couldn't even tell you the number of times I've considered it. And almost went for it.


Carrying the hurt, that my life started with, and being raised under constant abuse, and yeah, there was physical abuse as well, but living this a entire  lifetime has been exhausting. I have been saying "I'm so tired" since before I even became a man.




Fortunately I have been strong. It would be weak of me to do anything like that. Had I not had faith in God my entire* life, I wouldn't be writing this for you.


The truth is I am sad. Watching this world, and how people treat one another, how they fight over the pettyist of things, and how badly people can hurt one another for something as mundane as ego, has been too much for this man's heart. And I uvave felt that pain my whole life, Rogue-Nation. This isn't to say that I haven't had good moments or times of joy in my life. Because I have. Lots of them. But not nearly enough. Because of the pettiness of "man." So many moments just robbed of their good pleasure, all because of an ego or pride or greed or hate.

In my eyes, this has been ridiculous from day one.

And it's gotten worse with that hate and violence. Everyone's so ready to "kill, steal, or destroy." And they all believe they have a good reason.

What I wanted was a life of peace and happiness. I figured put very quickly that this was a pipe dream and I would never obtain it in this world and this life.

I have learned to cling to the Lord. That has Proven to be More than enough to sustain me. And even though I do feel this great sadness for this world, I do feel a joy and a comfort knowing I have faith, and what my faith is in.

I won't preach, but to the reader, yes, that has always been my saving Grace.


For one reason and one reason alone, I will stick around until my God punches my clock. He's done saved my life too many times for me to not think there is a purpose for having me around. This is my Comfort. I'll stay for Him.


I had also simply wanted "love."

This was something I had never really felt before.

I tried romantic love so many times and failed so many times that I just never found that "love" I was looking for.


Until I truly found God; after searching more and more for him.


Without that, RN.....I would be gone.


With all this said, I am at peace. I am not happy, by any means, at least not at anything I am seeing. But, I am not bitter. I still have that same love that I've always had for others in my heart. This is how I know I've Overcome.


I may sound like a child here with all of this, but this is the purest, and most honest I have ever been with this.

I have faced my demon, ladies and gentlemen. 

And I've won.

Cheers

This is life with BPD. 
Thanks for reading. 
I hope this may help someone someday. That's the only reason I've shared this.

Be blessed.

Waterfall Wednesday Thread!

Mardalsfossen falls in Norway is a tiered waterfall consisting of two large drops and several smaller ones lower down for a total fall of 2,116 ft.




Kaieteur Falls in Guyana: 741 feet tall, one of the world's largest single-drop waterfalls, one of the most powerful waterfalls on the planet. Very remote location, rich biodiversity, eco-tourism hotspot. The gorge below the falls was the site of a part of a British research expedition (BBC 3-part miniseries "Lost Land of the Jaguar", 2008) conducted in the Guyana rainforest in an attempt to document the pristine rainforest in the southern part of the country.







Tugela Falls in South Africa's Drakensberg Mountains known as The Amphitheater. World's second tallest, 3,110 feet, five-tiered drop, Royal Natal National Park, seasonal flow, scenic hiking.




Victoria Falls, Devil’s Pool, Zambia


Victoria Falls, on the Zambezi River, the border of Zambia and Zimbabwe: 355 feet tall, 5,604 feet wide. The falls were traditionally known to the indigenous people as Mosi-oa-Tunya, or "Smoke that Thunders." Livingstone bestowed its more common name of Victoria Falls upon his visit for England's Queen Victoria. We feel it more appropriate to use the native name, as it is equally recognized in the region. The falls became a UNESCO World Heritage site in 1989.



Super scenic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iywqpda7d8k


Blood Falls, Antarctica: iron-rich water, red hue, Taylor Glacier, unique microbial life, subglacial lake, extreme environment, scientific interest, visual spectacle.




Kerepakupai Merú aka Angel Falls, Venezuela: considered the world's tallest uninterrupted waterfall, with a guesstimated height of 3,212 ft, and a plunge of 2,648 ft. Remote Canaima National Park, named after aviator Jimmy Angel, stunning scenery. South Africa's Tugela Falls holds the official record for world's tallest waterfall.




Yosemite Falls, California: 2,425 feet tall, North America's tallest, three sections, Yosemite National Park, peak flow in spring, iconic landmark. While the popular conception is that Yosemite is king, in reality it is only the top dog in California, not in all of the USA.




Iguazu Falls, Argentina-Brazil border: 275 cascades, 269 feet tall, 1.7 miles wide, UNESCO site, rainforest setting, breathtaking views. The majority of the river plunges into the "Garganta del Diablo" (the Devil's Throat) and together, they make up the largest waterfall system in the world. According to some waterfall experts, Iguazú Falls is the world's greatest waterfall.




Gullfoss Falls, Iceland: located in the Golden Circle, 106 feet tall, two-tiered cascade, glacial river Hvítá, stunning rainbows, protected site, major tourist attraction.




Niagara Falls (aka American Falls, Bridal Veil Falls, Canadian Falls) on the US-Canada border is both the largest waterfall by volume in North America and is without a doubt the most well known waterfall on the planet thanks in part to its portrayal in Hollywood, the presence of approximately 2 million people living in the Buffalo-Niagara area and the largest city in Canada being situated less than 2 hours away.

Niagara Falls, US-Canada border: three waterfalls, 167 feet tall, 2,600 feet wide, major tourist attraction, hydroelectric power, breathtaking views, boat tours.

My back decided it wanted to give out on me last Thursday. Sudden and no warning. I am sure it is related to a fall and overdoing it afterwards.

I am so fed up with the medical system that I did not want to deal with going to the hospital again. But the people that are taking care me kept pushing the issue.

So I broke down and went to the ER. They did not disappoint. The results was what I expected. They ran the standard test, that always come back clean, so "You are fine!" "Someone will be here in a second to discharge you. " "Be prepared to pay us our $5,000.00, and get the Hell out of our ER." "Have a good day." "Next!"

This video is spot on. I wish it weren't.

I had a funny thought as I have come to the end of some conclusions. I'd like to leave this for yall as I cha cha cha out the door once again.

But, I swear, by the time this is all said and done, with all this new madness evolving, with all the truths and all the lies, and by the time I'm an old man sitting in my rocking chair on my front porch shaking my fist at the damn kids on my lawn, I am gonna be straight up coo coo for cocoa puffs.

I'm talking, full on, padded room talking and laughing with the walls cray cray.

Sitting back and watching some of the things I've witnessed others doing lately, decisions they make, foolishness they bask in, and as I'm holding it all in, and having to bite my tongue at this point because words have lost all meaning, this, this is going to break my brain. 

Lol

I think it's started already.  (I'm giggling at myself as I am both joking and serious at the same time).

But damn..... (just took a big sigh) I'm not sure how much more of all this I can rightly just sit and watch.  I think my own IQ has dropped just from listening and observing others the last few years.   Yeesh.

It's on a daily basis at this point that I'm having that head snap back-'say huuuuuhhhh' moment; you know the ones that are damn near traumatic when you hear absolutely stupidity, that it sorta jolts the brain.

I had come to find out a whole lot of information about where I come from, and the strongholds of the mind that are 'me', and as I came to the end of this horrid nightmare of realizations that I never could have imagined, right under my nose my whole life, and as bad as all that was and had the potential to completely break any human being I came to a point that I simply laughed. 


A good ol deep from the soul laugh. And I laughed and laughed and actually started praising God, as I laughed in joy at my humble position in this world, and all the weird unexplainable crap luck I've dragged around all these years. And, As I'm laughing I'm realizing that the worst things that have happened to me, and the nightmarish life I've lived, has actually all been an epic blessing in disguise.

So, I've decided I'm just going to sit back, shut my mouth, bite my tongue, and just let the crazy seep on in, and have some fun with it, as I lose my ever lovin mind watching this world shoot itself in the proverbial foot, over and over and over again.

The end of my tale is this. I'm looking forward to being the bat shi* crazy old man walking around mumbling to himself and giggling. 

Senility seems alright. I'll get to meet someone new everyday. I'll be coo coo for coco puffs, but inside I'll be a happy old man, knowing this ride is almost over, and I get to go on that great space coaster to the forever and ever land. 


But I know that this life, and this world, will have driven me full blown crazy by the time my clock runs out. 
I'm good with that.

Cheers, Rogue-Nation.

I don't always agree with all CJ's opinions, but I like his writing style.

Quote:Well, what do you know, it looks like we’ve got another “CRISIS OF DEMOCRACY” on our hands. Yes, that’s right, folks, THE VERY FABRIC OF DEMOCRACY IS AT STAKE … again! Which means (surprise!) that it’s probably time to declare another STATE OF EMERGENCY and take some sort of EMERGENCY MEASURES to protect humanity from LITERAL FASCISM, or RUSSIA, or CHEAP FAKES, or a VIRUS … or whatever.

I didn’t watch the presidential debate — it took place at 2AM here in Germany — but I watched as much as I could stand the following morning, and I read a few headlines in the corporate press, and … well, it appears that’s it for Biden.

Normally, at this point, I would pen a column full of colorful adjectives and gratuitous adverbials skewering the entire spectacle, but (a) lots of others are doing that — albeit sans the gratuitous adverbials — and (b) I’m still on medical leave, and under doctor’s orders not to do that, i.e., sit at my desk for numerous hours, chain smoking, drinking pots of espresso, and launching my blood pressure into the stratosphere.
So I’m going to post another column from the archives.

Hold on, don’t click away just yet. I do want to say a few things about the debate, and Biden, and Trump, and “democracy.” But first, I want you to look at this photo, which was taken in November of 2019…




Yes, that is an authentic photograph taken in November of 2019. You can fact-check its authenticity on Snopes or wherever. So, I hope you’ll forgive me if I don’t get all worked up about Biden’s debate debacle as if something unwonted and astonishing had occurred.

And, as for Trump, no surprise there, he’s still the same narcissistic ass clown as ever.

What is, however, astonishing, or frustrating, or infuriating — and OK, there goes my blood pressure — is how many people still believe they are living in sovereign nation-states … you know, like “The United States of America,” run by individuals like Biden, or Trump, or whoever the global-capitalist ruling classes install in November.

People are asking, “WHO IS RUNNING THE COUNTRY?” The answer is, the same body of mandarins who have been “running the country” all along … yes, also during the Reign of Trump. Yes, also during the Reign of Obama. Because there is no actual country to “run.”


As Mr. Jensen put it to Howard Beale in Paddy Chayefsky’s classic film Network…

Quote:“You are an old man who thinks in terms of nations and peoples. There are no nations. There are no peoples. There are no Russians. There are no Arabs. There are no third worlds. There is no West. There is only one holistic system of systems, one vast and immane, interwoven, interacting, multivariate, multinational dominion of dollars. Petro-dollars, electro-dollars, multi-dollars, reichmarks, rins, rubles, pounds, and shekels. It is the international system of currency which determines the totality of life on this planet. That is the natural order of things today. That is the atomic and subatomic and galactic structure of things today! […] Am I getting through to you, Mr. Beale? You get up on your little twenty-one inch screen and howl about America and democracy. There is no America. There is no democracy. There is only IBM and ITT and AT&T and DuPont, and Dow, Union Carbide, and Exxon. Those are the nations of the world today.”

I realize it’s hard for a lot of people to accept, but there is no “America.” The United States of America is a province, a territorial subdivision, of the supranational global-capitalist empire. And so is every other “Western” country. This is why nothing ever actually changes, regardless of which “leaders” are “in charge.”

In other words, you are watching a show. A simulation. A simulation of democracy. However, just because it’s a show, that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t mean anything. The simulation of democracy is essential to the empire. It is what keeps us at each other’s throats, rather than at the empire’s throat. And it’s the theater that sets the tone of whatever “reality” prevails at the moment … the War on Terror, the War on Terror (Light), the War on Populism, the Pandemic, or whatever.

I’m not entirely sure what new “reality” we are transitioning into, but, whoever the global-capitalist mandarins end up installing in office in November, I have a funny feeling that the coming five months are going to be a soul-crushing, neo-Orwellian spectacle of epic proportions. They can’t allow Trump to take office again; they shot their wad with the Russian-Hitler stuff. It would be déjà vu all over again. I won’t be surprised if they draft Hillary Clinton, you know, just to rub it in everyone’s faces, or cancel the constitution on account of the bird flu, or the “global boiling,” or an “anti-vax-conspiracy-theorist insurrection,” and appoint Obama dictator perpetuo.

Or — and this is the most horrifyingly psychotic neo-Orwellian scenario — they will just stick with Biden, because what could be more soul-crushing than another Biden “victory”? That appears to be where they’re headed at the moment…




Anyway, here’s that piece from the archives. I wrote this in January 2021, i.e., shortly after Biden’s inauguration, which, as you may or may not remember, was staged in a locked-down, military-occupied DC, during a fabricated “state of health emergency,” in the aftermath of a fabricated “insurrection.”

This was the moment when the New Normal Reich was officially ushered into being, with a “field of flags,” a full-blown Nazi light-show, and the whole nine yards. Not to put too fine a point on it, they rolled out the soldiers and the urban-assault vehicles and installed a muttering, finger-sucking, global-capitalist puppet in office. They did not hide this. They publicized it. They wanted us to know that “democracy” was over, that the “populist” rebellion was over, and that they were installing a human stalk of celery in the White House, and there was nothing that we could do about it.

The message could not possibly have been clearer.

* * *

There were people (Vets), right or wrong, who would have put a bullet in her head after they heal stomped her face and beat the crap out of her.

Some of these crazy leftist just want to openly murder us all now. 

Actress Lea DeLaria Calls on Biden to Assassinate Trump: “This Is a War”

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/p...235937794/

Quote:"Trump is Hitler, and this is 1940. Take him the f*** out."

Orange Is the New Black actress Lea DeLaria uploaded an intense Instagram speech calling on President Joe Biden to take advantage of the Supreme Court’s newly defined executive immunity rules and assassinate Donald Trump.

“You don’t want to do this. But here’s the reality: This is a fucking war. This is a war now, and we are fighting for our fucking country. And these assholes are going to take it away. They’re going to take it away. Thank you, [Supreme Court Justice] Clarence ‘Uncle’ Thomas. Joe, you now have the right to take that bitch Trump out. Take him out, Joe. If he was Hitler, and this was 1940, would you take him out? Well, he is Hitler. And this is 1940. Take him the fuck out! Blow him up, or they’ll blow us up. Facts.”

“It’s all out war now. They will destroy us. They only want power… like all tyrants. FUCK THEM!!! And if any of you assholes wanna death threat me like you have been doing for my entire life, bring it on bitch. I’m Sicilian, I know how to play that game.”

This isn’t the first time DeLaria has posted something provocative on Instagram regarding Trump that raised eyebrows. After the 2016 election, DeLaria posted that she wanted to “pick up a baseball bat and take out every fucking Republican and Independent I see.”

Looks like a sold out auditorium as Tucker speaks about Australia and how they (and others) are being destroyed by government policies.

His take on Briton and Canada is spot on IMO

Why?

Why would we need to do this when we produce hundreds of millions of flu vaccines a year using conventional "shelf stable" and cheap technology.

Why do we need an expensive gene therapy non shelf stable MRNA bird flu cell hijacker? 

Makes no sense... unless....

US will pay Moderna $176 million to develop an mRNA pandemic flu vaccine

https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/us-p...-111610966

Quote:The U.S. government will pay the vaccine maker Moderna $176 million to accelerate development of a pandemic influenza vaccine that could be used to treat bird flu in people, as concern grows about cases in dairy cows across the country, federal officials announced Tuesday.

Moderna already has a bird flu vaccine in very early-stage testing that uses the same mRNA technology that allowed rapid development and rollout of vaccines to protect against COVID-19. The new funds from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services include continued development of the vaccine, including a late-stage trial next year if those early study results are positive.
But the project can be quicky redirected to target another form of influenza if a different threat than the H5N1 form of bird flu emerges, HHS officials stressed.
The award was made through the Biomedical Advanced Research and Development Authority, or BARDA, a program that focuses on medical treatments for potential pandemics.
The H5N1 virus was detected earlier this year in dairy cows and has spread to more than 135 herds in 12 states and infected three people to date, all with mild cases. Federal health officials stress that the risk to the wider population remains low.

This is being posted as a public service announcement

Who doesn’t like the bewbs, right?   

Considering how uptight and conservative YouTube is about some things I was very surprised to see one of these “transparent fashion try-on hauls” pop up in my feed. I was curious so I clicked. Who knew this was possible?

Boy was I in for a surprise! Although specifically not sexual in nature by disclaimer, these are pretty darn close to full on nudity that leaves nothing to the imagination. They get away with it by calling their videos “fashion reviews”. A whole series of these even do the transparent fashion thing wet in the shower where “transparent” becomes an understatement.

Things blurred out in the thumbnails are not blurred out in the videos. I figured if these fly on YouTube they'd be ok here?



Here’s just a sample. There are hundreds.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYM47YNkgOM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1jnqTMT3_A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwzfCb1xSMw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cv0iSX0KGYY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtD9RWiUHnE

Most of the videos are around two minutes long or less. Most feature multiple outfits.

I’ve watched quite a few of these, not because I’m hot for other women but I find the differences in women’s bodies pretty interesting.

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