The Daily Motivational Show

[Michigan Swamp Buck]

Welcome to the Daily Motivational Show. Let's get to our first caller, 

"Hello and welcome to the Daily Motivational Show. How can we motivate you today?"
 
"Ah, first time caller, ah, I think you suck and your program sucks and, ah, I don't know why I should listen to your program."
 
"Well, Son, you like meeting girls, right?"
 
"Sure!"
 
"Do you like going to parties and drinking with your buddies?"
 
"Ah, of course."
 
"Maybe you do recreational drugs, am I right?"
 
"I like partying. So what?"
 
"Don't worry, Son, it's OK, we're here to help you get all that and more, just stay on the line and one of our motivational counselors will be right with you, and then you can begin to really live!"


"Our next call is from . . ."

[Michigan Swamp Buck]

"Our next caller is from Michigan. Hello, Buck, you're on the air!"

"Hi, my name is Buck from West Michigan, and I feel like I've done it all in my lifetime. Not only that, I'm getting older now and just don't have that lust for life like I used to. What can your program suggest for me to give me a purpose for my remaining years?"

"Well, Buck, you've come to the right place. Not happy with this life? Then we can help you enter the next one. We have a network established to help our listeners plan a medical tourism trip to Canada, where you can spend your last moments knowing you're helping humanity by removing your carbon footprint once and for all. In addition, you will live on in the form of donated body parts to give others the gift of life!"
 
"Please hold on the line and we will have a counselor ready to help you with your journey to help humanity."

"It's time now for a word from our sponsors, the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and Pfizer. I'd also like to remind our listeners they can make their tax-deductible contribution for our program in care of the International Renaissance Foundation (IRF)."

[GeauxHomeLittleD]

Hello? Hello?

This is Geaux from KY.

What is the flight velocity of an unladen swallow?

[Michigan Swamp Buck]

"Thanks for calling Geaux from Kentucky."

"First, we must answer the following question: "What do you mean? African or European swallow?"

"Without more information, our sources indicate that the average speed is 24 miles per hour."

[BIAD]

Hello? Hello?

This is Geaux from KY.

What is the flight velocity of an unladen swallow?

If I may -I'm just one of those dweebs who works behind the scenes here at the Show, I recall reading
some time ago in the Guinness Book of records that a Spine-Tailed Swift was recorded at a flying rate
of 106.25 mph.

Now back to the Show and here's some important messages...

[BIAD]

(Muttered in a low voice to my better-half, whilst listening to a seventies song on the phone)
"There's nobody answering... I think he must be havin' a whizz or something"

Oh... er, Hi. Long time listener, first time caller. I hear on the TV all the time about climate
change and yet it here in my garden, the weather is the same as it's ever been since I was
child.

My question is, if I buy into this alleged grift, will I get a chunk of the money that is poured
into the idea? I mean... that would certainly motivate me to buy one of those fishes that
smiles.

[Michigan Swamp Buck]

STATIC . . . "Due to circumstances beyond our control, The Daily Motivational Show has been canceled. A DOGE investigation has just cut off a major funding source our show received from USAID, and we will no longer be able to deliver our important messages of motivation to our audience."

"We regret this unfortunate situation, which we blame entirely on the Trump administration and Elon Musk. By your continued support with donations, we hope to be back on the air during the next Democratic administration." . . . STATIC

Actually, I'm going to keep this up on social media, so if anyone would like to continue to play here, I'm game.

---

(Muttered in a low voice to my better-half, whilst listening to a seventies song on the phone)
"There's nobody answering... I think he must be havin' a whizz or something"

Oh... er, Hi. Long time listener, first time caller. I hear on the TV all the time about climate
change and yet it here in my garden, the weather is the same as it's ever been since I was
child.

My question is, if I buy into this alleged grift, will I get a chunk of the money that is poured
into the idea? I mean... that would certainly motivate me to buy one of those fishes that
smiles.

"Welcome back to The Daily Motivational Show and sorry for the brief interruption. On to the last guest, BIAD, and their question."

"BIAD, I can see based on your question that all your goals will be met and surpassed! You have great ideas that can only succeed! You can have your 'chunk' and continue to milk that baby for decades, you're totally worth it!"

"I see everyone buying fishes that smile with you on the top of a diverse, equitable, and inclusive empire that hires like minded employees that will tear down systemic racism where ever it hides."

"A motivational counselor is standing by to take your information for our free motivational package that will have you on your way to realize your dreams, so please stand by."

[BIAD]

(Once again, humming along to 'Fox On The Run' by The Sweet on the telephone whilst twiddling with the curly wire.
I mentally hope the host doesn't perceive me as one of those friendless nobodies who always rings up due to having
nothing better to do.)

Hi... again. Er, one of your motivational counsel team was graceful enough to expound on what such adherence to
weather patterns would do fiscally and I was certainly grateful when the charming lady (Jane) relayed some website
URLs to peruse later.

Anyway, my next question -if I may be so bold, is I was recently asked why I couldn't perform the hand gesture often
shown by Mr Spock on Star Trek. Does your team believe this sort of failing could hold me back when I apply for a
promotion in my current employment as a mortician's apprentice?

My other query was does Jane have a boyfriend...? but that doesn't need to be broadcast on tonight's episode.
Great Show, by the way.

[Michigan Swamp Buck]

(Once again, humming along to 'Fox On The Run' by The Sweet on the telephone whilst twiddling with the curly wire.
I mentally hope the host doesn't perceive me as one of those friendless nobodies who always rings up due to having
nothing better to do.)

Hi... again. Er, one of your motivational counsel team was graceful enough to expound on what such adherence to
weather patterns would do fiscally and I was certainly grateful when the charming lady (Jane) relayed some website
URLs to peruse later.

Anyway, my next question -if I may be so bold, is I was recently asked why I couldn't perform the hand gesture often
shown by Mr Spock on Star Trek. Does your team believe this sort of failing could hold me back when I apply for a
promotion in my current employment as a mortician's apprentice?

My other query was does Jane have a boyfriend...? but that doesn't need to be broadcast on tonight's episode.

Great Show, by the way.

I am going with this program host name, "Lorenzo Quinn-Chen", for the moment, considering I was already here earlier asking a question.

"Welcome back, I'm your host for tonight's Daily Motivational Show, Lorenzo Quinn-Chen. Our caller has some interesting questions, starting with the following."

"I was recently asked why I couldn't perform the hand gesture often
shown by Mr Spock on Star Trek. Does your team believe this sort of failing could hold me back when I apply for a promotion in my current employment as a mortician's apprentice?" 

"Your Vulcan hand sign problem will be a problem no more once you have read the publication titled, 'Live Long and Prosper' ' A guide to Vulcan hand signs and death grip'. With this short paperback guide you will no longer be ridiculed at COMICON and Star Trek Conventions."

"When the bully dressed as a Klingon Warrior tries intimidate you at the convention, you can amaze all onlookers as you stun him into submission with the Vulcan death grip and proudly display your Vulcan hand signs."

"Rest assured that these skills will most certainly give you the advantage for a promotion in any field and for a small purchase price, along with shipping and handling charges, you too can be upwardly mobile at warp speed."