The alternate British citizenship test

[DISRAELI]

This was originally posted on another site, but I thought it deserved to be rescued from there.

Yesterday somebody put up a link to the official British citizenship test.
Since there were many native Britons who failed the test, this was obviously "not quite the thing".
So the local darts team and the W.I. have had a joint meeting (at the local, of course), and the result is that I can now offer you a much more realistic test of familiarity with British culture.
Here are the questions in full;

Q1; What is the correct answer to the query "What do you think of the weather?"
a) Not bad for the time of year.
b) I never talk about the weather.
c) I'm looking forward to the cool season.
d) I think it will be disastrous if we don't get more rain soon.

Q2; What is your most likely reaction to the destruction of your house?
a) Ah well, these things are sent to try us.
b) Not another tornado!
c) I knew we shouldn't have built it in an earthquake zone.
d) I hate those Americans and their guided missiles.

Q3; How would you offer support to someone in an emotional crisis?
a) Offer them a nice cup of hot tea, sweet and strong.
b) Give them the number of your favourite psycho-analyst.
c) Report them to the commissars of the local soviet, as possible candidates for re-education.
d) Summon a shaman to drive out the evil spirits.

Q4: What is the normal term for someone who says he has no religion?
a) A member of the Church of England.
b) A goddam atheist.
c) A right-thinking member of the proletariat.
d) A prospective martyr.

Q5; When Bill Shankly said "Some people think it's a matter of life and death, but I can tell you it's a lot more important than that", what was he talking about?
a) Football
b) Making money
c) Politics
d) Religion

Q6; Which of these things would you rather do on a cricket pitch?
a) Make a century before lunch
b) Face an off-spinner bowling in-swingers, on a sticky wicket.
c) Bowl a maiden over in the gully.
d) Give the Ashes back to Australia.

Q7; The fourth verse of the National Anthem calls on God to help Marshall Wade crush which people?
a) Rebellious Scots
b) Insufferable Frenchmen
c) Beastly Germans
d) Smart-aleck Americans


Anyone who gets all the questions right may become an honorary Briton.
This offer is open to all site members (even the French).

[Cvastar]

This was originally posted on another site, but I thought it deserved to be rescued from there.

Yesterday somebody put up a link to the official British citizenship test.
Since there were many native Britons who failed the test, this was obviously "not quite the thing".
So the local darts team and the W.I. have had a joint meeting (at the local, of course), and the result is that I can now offer you a much more realistic test of familiarity with British culture.
Here are the questions in full;

Q1; What is the correct answer to the query "What do you think of the weather?"
a) Not bad for the time of year.
b) I never talk about the weather.
c) I'm looking forward to the cool season.
d) I think it will be disastrous if we don't get more rain soon.

Q2; What is your most likely reaction to the destruction of your house?
a) Ah well, these things are sent to try us.
b) Not another tornado!
c) I knew we shouldn't have built it in an earthquake zone.
d) I hate those Americans and their guided missiles.

Q3; How would you offer support to someone in an emotional crisis?
a) Offer them a nice cup of hot tea, sweet and strong.
b) Give them the number of your favourite psycho-analyst.
c) Report them to the commissars of the local soviet, as possible candidates for re-education.
d) Summon a shaman to drive out the evil spirits.

Q4: What is the normal term for someone who says he has no religion?
a) A member of the Church of England.
b) A goddam atheist.
c) A right-thinking member of the proletariat.
d) A prospective martyr.

Q5; When Bill Shankly said "Some people think it's a matter of life and death, but I can tell you it's a lot more important than that", what was he talking about?
a) Football
b) Making money
c) Politics
d) Religion

Q6; Which of these things would you rather do on a cricket pitch?
a) Make a century before lunch
b) Face an off-spinner bowling in-swingers, on a sticky wicket.
c) Bowl a maiden over in the gully.
d) Give the Ashes back to Australia.

Q7; The fourth verse of the National Anthem calls on God to help Marshall Wade crush which people?
a) Rebellious Scots
b) Insufferable Frenchmen
c) Beastly Germans
d) Smart-aleck Americans


Anyone who gets all the questions right may become an honorary Briton.
This offer is open to all site members (even the French).


Just a guess, but I think the answer to each is (A)?

[BIAD]

Nothing about fish n' chips, darts and poor dancing prowess, Mr Disraeli?!

[DISRAELI]

This was originally posted on another site, but I thought it deserved to be rescued from there.

Yesterday somebody put up a link to the official British citizenship test.
Since there were many native Britons who failed the test, this was obviously "not quite the thing".
So the local darts team and the W.I. have had a joint meeting (at the local, of course), and the result is that I can now offer you a much more realistic test of familiarity with British culture.
Here are the questions in full;

Q1; What is the correct answer to the query "What do you think of the weather?"
a) Not bad for the time of year.
b) I never talk about the weather.
c) I'm looking forward to the cool season.
d) I think it will be disastrous if we don't get more rain soon.

Q2; What is your most likely reaction to the destruction of your house?
a) Ah well, these things are sent to try us.
b) Not another tornado!
c) I knew we shouldn't have built it in an earthquake zone.
d) I hate those Americans and their guided missiles.

Q3; How would you offer support to someone in an emotional crisis?
a) Offer them a nice cup of hot tea, sweet and strong.
b) Give them the number of your favourite psycho-analyst.
c) Report them to the commissars of the local soviet, as possible candidates for re-education.
d) Summon a shaman to drive out the evil spirits.

Q4: What is the normal term for someone who says he has no religion?
a) A member of the Church of England.
b) A goddam atheist.
c) A right-thinking member of the proletariat.
d) A prospective martyr.

Q5; When Bill Shankly said "Some people think it's a matter of life and death, but I can tell you it's a lot more important than that", what was he talking about?
a) Football
b) Making money
c) Politics
d) Religion

Q6; Which of these things would you rather do on a cricket pitch?
a) Make a century before lunch
b) Face an off-spinner bowling in-swingers, on a sticky wicket.
c) Bowl a maiden over in the gully.
d) Give the Ashes back to Australia.

Q7; The fourth verse of the National Anthem calls on God to help Marshall Wade crush which people?
a) Rebellious Scots
b) Insufferable Frenchmen
c) Beastly Germans
d) Smart-aleck Americans


Anyone who gets all the questions right may become an honorary Briton.
This offer is open to all site members (even the French).


Just a guess, but I think the answer to each is (A)?

For guessing how the pattern works, you get one point deducted for "being too clever". I had that happen to me, once, so it's a genuine feature of British culture.

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Nothing about fish n' chips, darts and poor dancing prowess, Mr Disraeli?!

I couldn't think of four alternative answers for those.