Losing My Mother

[DonnerPartyOf404]

Words are hard for me to find right now but I need to get them out in hopes of feeling at least a little better.

My mom has a somewhat rare but very aggressive cancer stopping her from producing red blood cells.  There are a number of "treatments" but I don't believe they do anything more than prolong her misery until her body gives out.

The thought of losing my mom is hard after all the other family I have lost.  The maddening part of this is the person who claims to be my father.  I'm sure he is my father but I don't recongize him as being a human being.  The problem is that he is and has always been a bully, attempting to boss everyone around.  Part of this is due to medical reasons but it's beside the point in trying to change him.  What he is doing is staying with mom in the hospital, perhaps 24/7 keeping other family away from seeing her.  Even her own sister.  He goes beserk cursing at them to get out.  

I don't want my mom's final days/weeks, or who knows how long to be like this.  There is not much I can do on my own as I live far away from them.  The reason for living far away is that the father has threatened to kill me as he does just about anyone else who tries to show him that he is an idiot.

My sister is of some help in this matter.  At least keeping me up to date on mom's medical status.  However she thinks dad is a saint and can't help what he does.

[BIAD]

Words are hard for me to find right now but I need to get them out in hopes of feeling at least a little better.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

[DonnerPartyOf404]

Thank you, my online friend.

[NightskyeB4Dawn]

I can relate to what you are going through. My mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer with metastasis to the lungs. She is too old to likely survive chemo, so they did 4 weeks of radiation, and they don't think anything else will be helpful without being harmful.

She lives with me, so I get the opportunity to make the most out of what time we have left.

My Dad is long gone so I have no blow back from him. I have seven siblings that rarely agree on anything. Right now they are not causing any problems, and I too am sacrificing for peace. I agree that making her last days as comfortable, and as peaceful as I can make them is what is most important. 

There will be time to fight and wash the dirty laundry later.

I pray for your comfort and strength through these trying times.

[DonnerPartyOf404]

Thank you for your comforting words.  This is mom's second cancer so she knows what's in store.  

[DonnerPartyOf404]

Words are hard for me to find right now but I need to get them out in hopes of feeling at least a little better.

My mom has a somewhat rare but very aggressive cancer stopping her from producing red blood cells.  There are a number of "treatments" but I don't believe they do anything more than prolong her misery until her body gives out.

Mom stopped breathing on her own last night so she was moved to intensive care.  She, like everyone else, was crying.

[Infolurker]

I hate cancer. 

I had one of my best friends die of cancer and he refused to do anything other than what his Doctor's told him to do.

For myself, I will be trying the Joe Tippens Protocol. 

https://www.canceractive.com/article/ant...er%20cells

https://lifeboat.com/blog/2019/12/how-jo...-templeton

Diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, Joe was told he had about 3 months to live. A veterinarian friend of his in western Oklahoma called him and told him about a cancer research experiment he had learned about in which a dog-deworming medicine had cured cancer in the experimental mice… and when the researcher developed cancer, she used the same medicine on herself and her glioblastoma was gone in about 12 weeks.

With nothing to lose and everything to gain, Joe ordered the veterinary product, Fenbendazole, and began taking it. He added a few other things to his regimen such as curcumin and Vitamin E, now known as the “Joe Tippens Protocol”. Three and a half months later, he went in for a scan and he was totally clear!

Joe’s Website: https://www.mycancerstory.rocks/

Joe’s Facebook (group is limited): https://www.facebook.com/groups/mycancerstoryrocks/

See more cancer Survivor Stories at: https://templetonwellness.com/survivor-stories/

Want to learn more about what else you can do to help your body beat cancer? Check out James Templeton’s book, ‘I Used to Have Cancer: How I Found My Own Way Back to Health,’ where he tells the twists and turns of his story of survival. Find out more at this link: https://iusedtohavecancer.com/

For more information and resources on the ins and outs of healthy living with or without cancer, go to the Templeton Foundation website: https://templetonwellness.com/

[Snarl]

Mom stopped breathing on her own last night so she was moved to intensive care.  She, like everyone else, was crying.

Your mom will always be who you remember her to be. You are blessed not to be there ... and it absolutely okay for you not to be. You know what the consequences of being there would be ... and THAT could badly affect how you remember your mother.

The passing of a loved one is Never easy. But, it happens. And, we survive it. Sooner than you think, it will be someone else's turn to go. For now, be strong and endure this. The strength you find now will never leave you. Please start planning on how to do something good with it.

Deepest condolences,
Snarl

[ancientlight]

Can you enlist the help of a family member to deal with the bully ? Perhaps even consider talking to a lawyer as what the bully is doing may not be legal ,and the police would do nothing. 
Could you consider visiting with someone to deal with the bully ,and so you have your goodbyes at least?

[EndtheMadnessNow]

@DonnerPartyOf404, very sorry to hear. My prayers go out to you & your family. On a related note, my brother has the opposite condition where his body generates too many red blood cells. I forgot the medical terminology but it's a type of blood cancer. No chemo but he has to get blood transfusions every 2-3 months.

[DonnerPartyOf404]

I hate cancer. 

I had one of my best friends die of cancer and he refused to do anything other than what his Doctor's told him to do.

For myself, I will be trying the Joe Tippens Protocol. 

https://www.canceractive.com/article/ant...er%20cells

https://lifeboat.com/blog/2019/12/how-jo...-templeton

Diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, Joe was told he had about 3 months to live. A veterinarian friend of his in western Oklahoma called him and told him about a cancer research experiment he had learned about in which a dog-deworming medicine had cured cancer in the experimental mice… and when the researcher developed cancer, she used the same medicine on herself and her glioblastoma was gone in about 12 weeks.

With nothing to lose and everything to gain, Joe ordered the veterinary product, Fenbendazole, and began taking it. He added a few other things to his regimen such as curcumin and Vitamin E, now known as the “Joe Tippens Protocol”. Three and a half months later, he went in for a scan and he was totally clear!

Joe’s Website: https://www.mycancerstory.rocks/

Joe’s Facebook (group is limited): https://www.facebook.com/groups/mycancerstoryrocks/

See more cancer Survivor Stories at: https://templetonwellness.com/survivor-stories/

Want to learn more about what else you can do to help your body beat cancer? Check out James Templeton’s book, ‘I Used to Have Cancer: How I Found My Own Way Back to Health,’ where he tells the twists and turns of his story of survival. Find out more at this link: https://iusedtohavecancer.com/

For more information and resources on the ins and outs of healthy living with or without cancer, go to the Templeton Foundation website: https://templetonwellness.com/

Keeping your tips and links in mind.  Thank you.  Still waiting on the hospital to share what their plans are for her.

---

Mom stopped breathing on her own last night so she was moved to intensive care.  She, like everyone else, was crying.

Your mom will always be who you remember her to be. You are blessed not to be there ... and it absolutely okay for you not to be. You know what the consequences of being there would be ... and THAT could badly affect how you remember your mother.

The passing of a loved one is Never easy. But, it happens. And, we survive it. Sooner than you think, it will be someone else's turn to go. For now, be strong and endure this. The strength you find now will never leave you. Please start planning on how to do something good with it.

Deepest condolences,
Snarl

When I lost my wife she simply died unexpectedly in her sleep.  The loss has been hard for me to deal with of course but I'm getting better.  With my mother it's a different story.  It's the waiting to see how long before she goes that is maddening.  It's longing to wish there was something I could do that would be of any help for her.  Waiting is painful.

---

Can you enlist the help of a family member to deal with the bully ? Perhaps even consider talking to a lawyer as what the bully is doing may not be legal ,and the police would do nothing. 
Could you consider visiting with someone to deal with the bully ,and so you have your goodbyes at least?

I've contacted Adult Protextive Services in the past per dad's issues and they have done nothing.  I do have a realitive in law enforcement who has been a bit of help.  Sort of "nicely" threatening dad of what may happen if his nonsense continues.

Otherwise I don't have the means for getting lawyer assistance.  The Catch 22 is that my sister is helping to keep things from blowing up but she is too much like my dad anyway.

---

@DonnerPartyOf404, very sorry to hear. My prayers go out to you & your family. On a related note, my brother has the opposite condition where his body generates too many red blood cells. I forgot the medical terminology but it's a type of blood cancer. No chemo but he has to get blood transfusions every 2-3 months.

Thank you for your words and prayers.  I have the feeling my mom's cancer was caused by the chemo from her breast cancer a few years ago.

[DonnerPartyOf404]

Mom is getting, what I think, is her second blood transfusion tomorrow.  At least she is feeling well enough to text me.

[NightskyeB4Dawn]

Mom is getting, what I think, is her second blood transfusion tomorrow.  At least she is feeling well enough to text me.

Fabulous! Will keep praying for her.

[Snarl]

Mom is getting, what I think, is her second blood transfusion tomorrow.  At least she is feeling well enough to text me.

That's really good news.

[DonnerPartyOf404]

Mom is getting, what I think, is her second blood transfusion tomorrow.  At least she is feeling well enough to text me.

That's really good news.

Thanks, she was transfered from intensive care, this morning, over to her own room in the heart wing of the hospital.  No heart issues.  It was just the only place with an available room.  

No other news as of yet today other than my dad is fuming due to lack of answers and his "need" to be in control of everything.

[NightskyeB4Dawn]

Mom is getting, what I think, is her second blood transfusion tomorrow.  At least she is feeling well enough to text me.

That's really good news.

Thanks, she was transfered from intensive care, this morning, over to her own room in the heart wing of the hospital.  No heart issues.  It was just the only place with an available room.  

No other news as of yet today other than my dad is fuming due to lack of answers and his "need" to be in control of everything.

It is difficult for most of us dealing with the illness of a loved one. When there is nothing you can do but wait, expecting the worse, and praying for the best, 
knowing there is absolutely nothing you can do, making everything you can do seem critical.

As the caregiver for my Mom I know that there have been times that I have been less than amiable, and on the rare occasion, downright  intolerable.

You know your family and I don't suggest even a little bit that you don't know the best course of action to take, I will suggest a little leniency, just in case they want to take advantage of a door left cracked open. Just in case. 

Dealing with illness and possible death is hard. It is super hard if you are going it alone, and it can be even worse if you as a family are apart and not together.

I try to keep it about Mom, and I do my best to leave me, and any bad feelings out of it, for her sake. 

It is not always easy. I am blessed because I have a lot of love and support from my siblings, so the burden is not that heavy, and yet it is still hard.

I understand and respect what you are going through. I hope us Rogues give you at least a little support, even if we, by chance, give you advice you don't want, or don't need. 

[DonnerPartyOf404]

Mom is getting, what I think, is her second blood transfusion tomorrow.  At least she is feeling well enough to text me.

That's really good news.

Thanks, she was transfered from intensive care, this morning, over to her own room in the heart wing of the hospital.  No heart issues.  It was just the only place with an available room.  

No other news as of yet today other than my dad is fuming due to lack of answers and his "need" to be in control of everything.

It is difficult for most of us dealing with the illness of a loved one. When there is nothing you can do but wait, expecting the worse, and praying for the best, 
knowing there is absolutely nothing you can do, making everything you can do seem critical.

As the caregiver for my Mom I know that there have been times that I have been less than amiable, and on the rare occasion, downright  intolerable.

You know your family and I don't suggest even a little bit that you don't know the best course of action to take, I will suggest a little leniency, just in case they want to take advantage of a door left cracked open. Just in case. 

Dealing with illness and possible death is hard. It is super hard if you are going it alone, and it can be even worse if you as a family are apart and not together.

I try to keep it about Mom, and I do my best to leave me, and any bad feelings out of it, for her sake. 

It is not always easy. I am blessed because I have a lot of love and support from my siblings, so the burden is not that heavy, and yet it is still hard.

I understand and respect what you are going through. I hope us Rogues give you at least a little support, even if we, by chance, give you advice you don't want, or don't need. 

Rogue is not working good today so I will share more later to my Rogue family

[DonnerPartyOf404]

Mom was tranferred from ICU to her own room earlier this week.  The hospital wants to put her in a rehab/nursing home.  She is waiting on dad to find a suitable one that takes her insurance.  Hopefully there is one out there that is better than the ones she and myself have been in before.  

I'm still a bit fuzzy as to when the cancer treatement (in pill form) will start.  Perhaps after she is in a nursing home, perhaps after she sees her primary doctor.

The elephant in the room that none of my family is talking about is that, to the best of my knowledge, her chance of surviving longer than 1-3 years has been addressed.  My guess is that either her primary doctor will share this bad news with her or it will not be mentioned at all.

[SomeJackleg]

I'm still a bit fuzzy as to when the cancer treatement (in pill form) will start.  Perhaps after she is in a nursing home, perhaps after she sees her primary doctor.

don't know how they do where your at but, when our father was diagnosed with cancer before he passed, the hospital brought in a oncologist, the one they recommended had a fairly long waiting period due to other patients before they could see him. we found him another one that saw him the very next day.

[DonnerPartyOf404]

I'm still a bit fuzzy as to when the cancer treatement (in pill form) will start.  Perhaps after she is in a nursing home, perhaps after she sees her primary doctor.

don't know how they do where your at but, when our father was diagnosed with cancer before he passed, the hospital brought in a oncologist, the one they recommended had a fairly long waiting period due to other patients before they could see him. we found him another one that saw him the very next day.

Mom was transferred to a nursing facility on the 19 Dec.  They didn't do much due to the holiday but started physical/occupational therapy after 25 Dec.  Unfortunatley her health went downhill very early New Years Eve and she was sent to a very good hospital.  As expected, her red blood cell count bottomed out and she ended up with a lung infection.  She has has two blood transfusion already this week.