Uncertainty, transitory and actuality

[IgnorantGod]

[...]

That feeling of 'isolation' from the 'rest of reality' provoked a deep existencial terror on my ego. I've been somewhat clinging to the remnants of my 'mental structure' ever since. However, it lost some 'features', such as the ability of entertaining any 'certitude' whatsoever, and the 'desire' to experience, or 'become' anything in particular, even to 'solve' my anxiety 'issues' (certainly not an excuse for lack of motivation or laziness, nope).

[...]

Are you the observer or the object? When you walk in a forrest everything around you is aware off you and observing you. You change the ambience of any environment that you enter. That seems very connected to me and not isolated at all.

I tend to agree with you on this, which is why I used "feeling of". It was, as far as I understand, a perspective from 'me'. The 'isolation' in single quote referred to "something akin, but not really". If I elaborate, it was more about 'not being able to interact in any meaningful way within the human world', and by that I mean both interaction with other humans, and objects with which humans interact on a regular basis.

In simpler terms, I was afraid of the prospect of having to ask myself and define what a "chair" (or anything) is everytime I stumble across one.

[...]

I will resign myself to exploring spirit energy using great and/or insightful thinkers' theories to mull around the possibilities, but ultimately I will believe in my heart, mind and soul what feels and seems most logical to be the truth for me. I will not use my third eye to find the answers because I don't know what I am looking for, which, IgnorantGod, can indeed be anxiety-provoking.

[...]

One of the most disturbing aspect of my experience that day was something which I consider similar to the dismemberment phase of a initiation ritual. It felt like a 'dissolution' of the 'self' in the 'pool of potential' of 'what it could be'. I basically got afraid at 'getting stuck in it', not being able to 'come back'. But I did, and here I am!

But considering those past reactions, and choices made, I'd rather avoid doing it carelessly the next time, if it happens. I do perform a small mental exercice several times a day which I stop thinking with words and just 'experience the moment' for 15 minutes or something. I was also considering getting back into meditation lately.