Colorado calling here!
Now, I know it's hard to picture a 'dark side' to those cute little fluffy hoppity-hop, cuties, "they're just so adorable!!!"..."especially the baby ones! AWWWWWwwww!!" Right? How many times have we heard (other) people say this, right? Well...I'll KILL every single one of those evil little mutha'-fuckin' destruction machines I see!!!...and FIFTY of them mutha'-fuckers on Sunday!! I HATE 'EM...EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM BASTAGES!! And you may think I'm jokin' here...but I assure you...I AM MOST CERTAINLY NOT...JOKING!!! DEAD!!! DEAD AS DISCO!! I have even been known to walk around my house and barn with a 12 ga. shotgun, blasting every single rabbit I see with #8 shot!! Sometimes even getting doubles!! And I'll kill dozens of those mother fuckers at a time, so many I have to go get the UTV out and drive around to throw their dead F'in' carcasses in the back, just to haul those MF'ers to the dumpster!! Eat 'em?? Nawwww...straight in the DUMPSTER they go!!! ..... (Ahem!....regaining composure, fixing shirt, pickin' up all the broken shit, fixin' hair)
Okay, so what's the backstory here, you ask? Take out your wallet. Empty it. Just throw every single thing in your wallet into the river...never to be seen again!! And your checkbook too!!! And, you may think I'm kidding, but I assure you, I am most certainly NOT!! (taking a deep breath). I HATE, repeat....HATE...rabbits!! If there's a disease out there, which will KILL these vermin from HELL, it can't come fast enough!! It can't be thorough enough!! I want them ALL DEAD! DEAD as DIRT!
I loved them too, right up until my FIRST $3,500 check to the New Holland mechanic, but that wasn't enough! Oh no, then there was the second $5,800 check to the New Holland service truck dude...AND, the $5,500 check to the Audi dealer......AND....the countless hours spent under my F-350, desperately searching for which fooking wire it was that controlled EVERY-THING in my once great turbo diesel truck which now wouldn't move, and even if it did move, 80% of the electrical shit inside that complicated ass truck was busted, reminding me of every single degree of the blistering heat outside as I spent windshield time driving down the road hauling hay, just dreaming up all the different ways I was going to KILL THOSE MUTHER FOOKING RABBITS!!!
And notice (above) that I was very careful to write the word "FIRST"???? Yeah, well, that's because I meant EXACTLY that, as in...it has happened more than once!! There has been a SECOND, and a THIRD...AND EVEN A...FORTH...CHECK ALSO!! Thousands upon thousands of dollars those evil muther fukkers have cost me on equipment repairs!! And even to this day, I will pop open a hood, or tilt a cab, or open an engine bay only to see 2-3 of those little destruction machines who have taken up residence inside, scatter and scurry off, leaving a trail of $50 dollar bills behind their "cute little fuzzy butts! BAM!! BAM-BAM-BAM!!! BAM!!...GAHHHhhhhhh!! BAM-BAM!!..."DIE!! DIE you little MF'ers!! EVERY LAST ONE OF YA!! DIE!!"
And then I'll be in town, at the feed store or something, and I'll overhear some City slicker, tree-hugging, enviro-maniac type rambling on endlessly about what an... "absolute tragedy" ...it is, this disease which is wiping them out. The feed store folks will usually send one of the guys over to me, who will say..."Hey, FCD, how's it goin', man??? Come here, lemme' show ya' some cool new guns we got in last week over here in the Armory! Over here, man! This way! Don't look over there! Look over here!! Calm, man...just C.A.L.M! BREATHE. IN-AND-OUT! SLOW-ly...JUST Breathe!"
They're just doing this part out of mutual care, and part to save their store, and all the merchandise inside it! They don't want another bloodbath of destruction and carnage inside their store....like last time!!!!
I have laid awake at night, just dreaming of different ways I can launch an all-out assault, a complete Declaration of WAR! On those "cute, adorable, 'innocent', balls of joy...who would never hurt even a flea!" HA!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA!! NO IDEA the amount of absolute and utter DEVASTATION those terrorist vermin can unleash on a person! Just NO...IDEA!!
Ahem....So, how's everyone doin' today??? It's a glorious morning!! Don't you think?? I certainly think so!!
Now, I know it's hard to picture a 'dark side' to those cute little fluffy hoppity-hop, cuties, "they're just so adorable!!!"..."especially the baby ones! AWWWWWwwww!!" Right? How many times have we heard (other) people say this, right? Well...I'll KILL every single one of those evil little mutha'-fuckin' destruction machines I see!!!...and FIFTY of them mutha'-fuckers on Sunday!! I HATE 'EM...EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM BASTAGES!! And you may think I'm jokin' here...but I assure you...I AM MOST CERTAINLY NOT...JOKING!!! DEAD!!! DEAD AS DISCO!! I have even been known to walk around my house and barn with a 12 ga. shotgun, blasting every single rabbit I see with #8 shot!! Sometimes even getting doubles!! And I'll kill dozens of those mother fuckers at a time, so many I have to go get the UTV out and drive around to throw their dead F'in' carcasses in the back, just to haul those MF'ers to the dumpster!! Eat 'em?? Nawwww...straight in the DUMPSTER they go!!! ..... (Ahem!....regaining composure, fixing shirt, pickin' up all the broken shit, fixin' hair)
Okay, so what's the backstory here, you ask? Take out your wallet. Empty it. Just throw every single thing in your wallet into the river...never to be seen again!! And your checkbook too!!! And, you may think I'm kidding, but I assure you, I am most certainly NOT!! (taking a deep breath). I HATE, repeat....HATE...rabbits!! If there's a disease out there, which will KILL these vermin from HELL, it can't come fast enough!! It can't be thorough enough!! I want them ALL DEAD! DEAD as DIRT!
I loved them too, right up until my FIRST $3,500 check to the New Holland mechanic, but that wasn't enough! Oh no, then there was the second $5,800 check to the New Holland service truck dude...AND, the $5,500 check to the Audi dealer......AND....the countless hours spent under my F-350, desperately searching for which fooking wire it was that controlled EVERY-THING in my once great turbo diesel truck which now wouldn't move, and even if it did move, 80% of the electrical shit inside that complicated ass truck was busted, reminding me of every single degree of the blistering heat outside as I spent windshield time driving down the road hauling hay, just dreaming up all the different ways I was going to KILL THOSE MUTHER FOOKING RABBITS!!!
And notice (above) that I was very careful to write the word "FIRST"???? Yeah, well, that's because I meant EXACTLY that, as in...it has happened more than once!! There has been a SECOND, and a THIRD...AND EVEN A...FORTH...CHECK ALSO!! Thousands upon thousands of dollars those evil muther fukkers have cost me on equipment repairs!! And even to this day, I will pop open a hood, or tilt a cab, or open an engine bay only to see 2-3 of those little destruction machines who have taken up residence inside, scatter and scurry off, leaving a trail of $50 dollar bills behind their "cute little fuzzy butts! BAM!! BAM-BAM-BAM!!! BAM!!...GAHHHhhhhhh!! BAM-BAM!!..."DIE!! DIE you little MF'ers!! EVERY LAST ONE OF YA!! DIE!!"
And then I'll be in town, at the feed store or something, and I'll overhear some City slicker, tree-hugging, enviro-maniac type rambling on endlessly about what an... "absolute tragedy" ...it is, this disease which is wiping them out. The feed store folks will usually send one of the guys over to me, who will say..."Hey, FCD, how's it goin', man??? Come here, lemme' show ya' some cool new guns we got in last week over here in the Armory! Over here, man! This way! Don't look over there! Look over here!! Calm, man...just C.A.L.M! BREATHE. IN-AND-OUT! SLOW-ly...JUST Breathe!"
They're just doing this part out of mutual care, and part to save their store, and all the merchandise inside it! They don't want another bloodbath of destruction and carnage inside their store....like last time!!!!
I have laid awake at night, just dreaming of different ways I can launch an all-out assault, a complete Declaration of WAR! On those "cute, adorable, 'innocent', balls of joy...who would never hurt even a flea!" HA!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA!! NO IDEA the amount of absolute and utter DEVASTATION those terrorist vermin can unleash on a person! Just NO...IDEA!!
Ahem....So, how's everyone doin' today??? It's a glorious morning!! Don't you think?? I certainly think so!!