Hello, ancientlight. Thank you for sharing this with us. I know how hard it is to dig down deep with these kinds of feelings. I want to start off by saying, I completely understand what you feel and what you're saying. I too have these feelings towards parents.
I was abused as a child.....that's all I'll say...
There isn't much that can be said that will make anything better. I do know one thing though. This will be the last thing you are going to want to hear, but from my own experience its the only way. The only thing you can do is to forgive. To let it go from holding you down.
I validate you. I know how impossibly hard it is to let that all go. Grace is the direction you have to lead your heart. I know. It's the opposite of what you feel is the best thing to do. Being angry and allowing it to still hold you back from your own peace seems to be the only option. But, You (yourself) have to expell that anger and replace it with mercy and forgiveness. This doesn't mean you accept that he did nothing wrong, and you're upset over nothing. You have valid reasons to be upset. Own that! But for your peace of mind accept what has happened, use it as your strength (in helping others and allow it to be a positive driving force in your own life). Adamantly forgive. But remember, you are doing this for you.....not him. You will learn "grace" from it and that will bring you PEACE.
The more and the longer you "stew over it" the longer you're allowing him to control you. He's passed on....let the hurt pass away through love.
I sound corny, I know. But anyone who has been brave and strong enough to accomplish this will tell you, this is the one way you will find true peace over these deep rooted "strongholds of the mind" that can drag us down like this.
I have a similar story. The pain of my past haunted and controlled me every day until I conquered the anger that stemmed from my past. Once I forgave with grace (look up that definition, if you dont know it. I had to learn what it means) ((the definition of grace i am referring to is: to frogive even though the person doesn't deserve it. i.e. LOVE)) it was if that dark mountain I was carrying was suddenly lifted off of me and I was finally.........FREE (at peace and happy and in control of my thoughts and actions). I am finally HAPPY!
I won't lie and say it was easy to let it all go. It's a process. But it is the only process that will bring any real change to your feelings on it. You have people who understand and will help; even if it's just listening.
I am someone who understands how you feel. I could feel your pain as I was reading your post. I hope that none of what I said Herr will be seen as condescending. None of that is, I promise. I had to literally drag my thoughts and feelings out of hell (it felt like). And I had to forgive. Once I did tho....smiles and joy...
I'd love to hear a follow up story on how this mountain was lifted from your shoulders. I know you're tired from carrying all that "weight" (the burden of the anger).
Forgive through grace and you will be free of this...
I'm here if you ever want to chat.
One Love!
I was abused as a child.....that's all I'll say...
There isn't much that can be said that will make anything better. I do know one thing though. This will be the last thing you are going to want to hear, but from my own experience its the only way. The only thing you can do is to forgive. To let it go from holding you down.
I validate you. I know how impossibly hard it is to let that all go. Grace is the direction you have to lead your heart. I know. It's the opposite of what you feel is the best thing to do. Being angry and allowing it to still hold you back from your own peace seems to be the only option. But, You (yourself) have to expell that anger and replace it with mercy and forgiveness. This doesn't mean you accept that he did nothing wrong, and you're upset over nothing. You have valid reasons to be upset. Own that! But for your peace of mind accept what has happened, use it as your strength (in helping others and allow it to be a positive driving force in your own life). Adamantly forgive. But remember, you are doing this for you.....not him. You will learn "grace" from it and that will bring you PEACE.
The more and the longer you "stew over it" the longer you're allowing him to control you. He's passed on....let the hurt pass away through love.
I sound corny, I know. But anyone who has been brave and strong enough to accomplish this will tell you, this is the one way you will find true peace over these deep rooted "strongholds of the mind" that can drag us down like this.
I have a similar story. The pain of my past haunted and controlled me every day until I conquered the anger that stemmed from my past. Once I forgave with grace (look up that definition, if you dont know it. I had to learn what it means) ((the definition of grace i am referring to is: to frogive even though the person doesn't deserve it. i.e. LOVE)) it was if that dark mountain I was carrying was suddenly lifted off of me and I was finally.........FREE (at peace and happy and in control of my thoughts and actions). I am finally HAPPY!
I won't lie and say it was easy to let it all go. It's a process. But it is the only process that will bring any real change to your feelings on it. You have people who understand and will help; even if it's just listening.
I am someone who understands how you feel. I could feel your pain as I was reading your post. I hope that none of what I said Herr will be seen as condescending. None of that is, I promise. I had to literally drag my thoughts and feelings out of hell (it felt like). And I had to forgive. Once I did tho....smiles and joy...
I'd love to hear a follow up story on how this mountain was lifted from your shoulders. I know you're tired from carrying all that "weight" (the burden of the anger).
Forgive through grace and you will be free of this...
I'm here if you ever want to chat.
One Love!