Any of You Swim in the Ocean Still?

[Schmoe]

I used to LOVE swimming in the ocean.  I was that dumb kid who wanted to see how far out I could swim, and I'd have lifeguards blowing their whistles for I don't know how long, telling me to come in.  I remember one particularly livid lifeguard, and I in my young ignorant asshole way said, "what's the matter, can't you swim?" I can't remember if she was red from sunburn or rage   

I don't do that shit anymore.  Absolutely no way.  The swimming, I mean.  We went to North Carolina one year for vacation, somewhere around the year 2000 I think, I was about 15 then.  We were near the Cape Hatteras area.  I loved it, to this day it's my favorite beach spot.  My parents rented a big beach house with my aunt and uncle, grandparents, and my cousins, who are close to my age.

It felt sort of isolated there, we had so much room.  It was a breath of fresh air from those cramped beaches in Jersey.  We were fishing a lot, I couldn't believe how many croakers we caught, and how my poor grandmom had to bread and fry all of them.  They were delicious, almost slightly sweet.  It felt so cool to eat what we caught.

Other times it was me, my sister, and my two cousins boogie-boarding.  The waves were excellent.  That beach was a bit odd, as it has a courser, gravelly sand, and had a significant drop off.  Ten feet out, you might have been up to your waist in the water, a few more steps, and the water was over your head.  That made for some interesting boogie-boarding, as sometimes the water would drop out from under you and flip you over into an inch of water and sand.  That left a nice abrasion on my back, but it was so much fun.

The other thing I loved was the fact there were no lifeguards there.  I thought, awesome, I'll swim out as far as I damn well please.  My dad can't swim, yet I begged him to come out and boogie board.  He did, and we got caught in a rip current, of course.  I had to swim myself, and my dad on my boogie board, parallel with the beach for what felt like 100 yards and an hour, but we made it in.  He never went back in the water 

So it was an adventurous time there, we left and went home.  A week or two later, a woman and her husband were attacked by a bull shark not 100 yards from where I was swimming, much closer to shore, in waist-deep water.  It killed him, and the woman was bitten badly.  I think her foot or leg was bitten off.  

I never swam out deep again after that.  I've always been an animal nerd, and even at the time knew much about sharks, but I had that young mentality of "that only happens to other people."

To this day, when I think about what I used to do in the water, I cringe and my hair stands up.  You're simply no longer at the top of the food chain the instant you're in waist-deep water.  Has anyone seen the tiger shark attack in Egypt?  It was horrific, the worst shark attack footage I've ever seen.  Plenty of tigers in North Carolina too.

This is the footage, and again, it is horrible.  The man died, they caught the shark, and found numerous body parts inside it's stomach.  



And for those reasons, Schmoe no longer goes beyond knee-deep water.  I don't even miss it.

[kdog]

I use to years ago in my 20's after partying at the bars when I lived close to the beach. In my late 50's and living 800 miles from the beach, nah, leave that shit for the kids.

[Schmoe]

I use to years ago in my 20's after partying at the bars when I lived close to the beach. In my late 50's and living 800 miles from the beach, nah, leave that shit for the kids.

Yeah really, let THEM get eaten 

[EndtheMadnessNow]

When I lived in Hawaii I was in the ocean practically every day and my daughter at the time could not get enough salt water. It was so bad when we drove the car to go where ever I had to take routes that avoid ocean views, which as you might imagine is near impossible on an island. Soon as she spotted the ocean she would throw a fit, kickin & screamin.

At one beach you could swim out to a sandbar or walk to it during low tide. A few times we splashed around after swimming to the sandbar and played around with the sharks, about 3-4 feet in size. I forgot what type they were but obviously non-aggressive. Dolphins would sometimes come in and the sharks would race off. Fun times!

Once I moved to Oregon the ocean playing days ended, too freakin ice cold unless you have a wet suit. Instead I hung out in rivers, creeks & waterfalls.

The ocean, she is merciless, nearly drowned twice due to strong riptide current and those areas with known sharks I stay feet dry on the beach.

[Schmoe]

When I lived in Hawaii I was in the ocean practically every day and my daughter at the time could not get enough salt water. It was so bad when we drove the car to go where ever I had to take routes that avoid ocean views, which as you might imagine is near impossible on an island. Soon as she spotted the ocean she would throw a fit, kickin & screamin.

At one beach you could swim out to a sandbar or walk to it during low tide. A few times we splashed around after swimming to the sandbar and played around with the sharks, about 3-4 feet in size. I forgot what type they were but obviously non-aggressive. Dolphins would sometimes come in and the sharks would race off. Fun times!

Once I moved to Oregon the ocean playing days ended, too freakin ice cold unless you have a wet suit. Instead I hung out in rivers, creeks & waterfalls.

The ocean, she is merciless, nearly drowned twice due to strong riptide current and those areas with known sharks I stay feet dry on the beach.

I'm sort of in that same predicament now.  I don't live near the beach, but when we go, my youngest daughter wants to keep going farther and farther.  Meanwhile I'm thinking, wouldn't you rather build a nice sand castle?

More and more great whites showing up along the east coast too, especially up near Cape Cod.  They think it might be a breeding ground.  I'm good.  I love sharks, they're impressive animals, I just want to be nowhere near them.

That experience you had must have been pretty cool though, with the 4-footers.  Always wanted to go to Hawaii, but it seems like there are too many tiger sharks.  I saw a video in Florida where a drone captured a 12-foot tiger swimming BETWEEN people in chest-deep water and the shoreline.  No thanks.

[727Sky]

I have flown off shore (helicopter) around Panama City, Florida where an estimated hundred plus swimmers were frolicking in the surf. The bottom of the ocean in that area looks like sand dunes with anywhere between 10 and 30 feet of water covering the dunes. Resting upon the dunes were hundreds of sharks some much bigger than any humans swimming in the water. I had thought sharks had to keep swimming to breathe but evidently that is not so. I kept thinking I would read about a shark attack in the news paper but....nothing...

Another time I was sailing in a 14 foot sunfish sail boat and saw a fin. The wind was blowing almost 20 knots as I tacked to an island that was my destination; the gun rail was buried into the waters as I sped along. I was thinking the fin belonged to a Dolphin as it turned and headed my way (flipper coming to say hello etc etc).  When the fin got abeam the sail boat it turned and headed to intercept me mid ship. I am leaned tacking right.... the fin belonged to a Mako shark which headed midships of the sail boat also on my right. He was rolled on his right side so I could see him looking at me with his black eye and toothy grin. If he would have struck the centerboard of the sunfish I would have been dumped into the ocean but he just passed under the boat and was gone. I realize water can magnify things but the Mako was every bit the length of the sail boat in my Mako shark shocked mind !

I always sailed and did stupid things as we had a 33 Foot Hunter sail boat that we stayed, ate, and slept upon a few days each month at the Yacht club.. I had planned on after retirement to do one of those sail all over the world kinda retirement things, but I finally got some sense and realized between the sea life that looked upon you as a meal (nothing personal) and hostile natives that would cut your throat and steal your stuff in certain parts of this world, well, that was a life style I could pass upon. 

We had the boat for 7 years and I sold it for the same price I had paid for it..They say the two happiest days are when you buy a boat and when you sell it.. 

Salt water boats are not cheap as there is always maintenance and up keep.... we had certainly increased the worth of our little floating home away from home and I am glad for the experience....but...that chapter of this life's book is closed.
 
I did a lot of snorkeling in the Red Sea which has got to be one of the most hostile areas on the planet ... I always carried a long spear gun which I would us to push certain critters away with the pointy end (stick-a stick-a stab-a stab-a and they got the hint). I did not shoot sharks as the blood would just attract more sharks and other things that thought you might be tastier than their other menu choices .  There were many Sharks in the Red Sea but unless you were spear fishing they usually left you alone as most critters did unless they were curious or you were intruding into their territory..

[Grace]

I love the water but I don't like water I can't see in. I keep my eyes open under water, always have, but I don't like murky water and in the ocean I don't like deep water. 

New Smyrna beach back when you were born to 5 years old or so (I've not been in years so may have changed) was awesome as a result. You had to walk out far to get to waist deep water and it was perfectly clear and pristine water and the sand was a lighter color too which was great, everything stood out. 

That was always my beach of choice, plus at low tide you just parked on the beach and had your lawn chairs, cooler and everything else right there and just did your sunning behind your car... 

My daughter is your age (exactly) and I used to bring her playpen with us and cover it for her naps / quiet time. Lol... 

But I totally understand your concern for sharks - I'm someone with the same concerns. But for me that extends to any water. 

I've been face to face with a water moccasin before from skinny dipping at the rock quarry as a teen (DUMB!) Seen my fare share of snapping turtles in ponds, of course going down the St. John's River in Florida at sundown in an air boat and then shine a light over the water - when it looks like Christmas lights covering the water that's how many alligator eyes are looking at you - scary shit.. lol. I've had my toes nibbled on by curious catfish, which can get huge .. 

So I want to see in any water I'm in, and see clearly... Lol

Sorry if I gave you more fears...

[Chiefsmom]

@ grace:
I was just going to say, I have swam in so many ponds growing up, never thought about it twice.

Until recently, when we were fishing at the neighbors pond, and on the edge was a snapping turtle, almost as big as a car tire.

That was it.  No more ponds.
We don't have the ocean close to us, but I don't mind swimming in lake Michigan.  I did go into the new park lake/old pit with the grandsons a few weeks ago, but I figured there were enough people in the swimming area to scare off any big turtles.

[Schmoe]

I have flown off shore (helicopter) around Panama City, Florida where an estimated hundred plus swimmers were frolicking in the surf. The bottom of the ocean in that area looks like sand dunes with anywhere between 10 and 30 feet of water covering the dunes. Resting upon the dunes were hundreds of sharks some much bigger than any humans swimming in the water. I had thought sharks had to keep swimming to breathe but evidently that is not so. I kept thinking I would read about a shark attack in the news paper but....nothing...

Another time I was sailing in a 14 foot sunfish sail boat and saw a fin. The wind was blowing almost 20 knots as I tacked to an island that was my destination; the gun rail was buried into the waters as I sped along. I was thinking the fin belonged to a Dolphin as it turned and headed my way (flipper coming to say hello etc etc).  When the fin got abeam the sail boat it turned and headed to intercept me mid ship. I am leaned tacking right.... the fin belonged to a Mako shark which headed midships of the sail boat also on my right. He was rolled on his right side so I could see him looking at me with his black eye and toothy grin. If he would have struck the centerboard of the sunfish I would have been dumped into the ocean but he just passed under the boat and was gone. I realize water can magnify things but the Mako was every bit the length of the sail boat in my Mako shark shocked mind !

I always sailed and did stupid things as we had a 33 Foot Hunter sail boat that we stayed, ate, and slept upon a few days each month at the Yacht club.. I had planned on after retirement to do one of those sail all over the world kinda retirement things, but I finally got some sense and realized between the sea life that looked upon you as a meal (nothing personal) and hostile natives that would cut your throat and steal your stuff in certain parts of this world, well, that was a life style I could pass upon. 

We had the boat for 7 years and I sold it for the same price I had paid for it..They say the two happiest days are when you buy a boat and when you sell it.. 

Salt water boats are not cheap as there is always maintenance and up keep.... we had certainly increased the worth of our little floating home away from home and I am glad for the experience....but...that chapter of this life's book is closed.
 
I did a lot of snorkeling in the Red Sea which has got to be one of the most hostile areas on the planet ... I always carried a long spear gun which I would us to push certain critters away with the pointy end (stick-a stick-a stab-a stab-a and they got the hint). I did not shoot sharks as the blood would just attract more sharks and other things that thought you might be tastier than their other menu choices .  There were many Sharks in the Red Sea but unless you were spear fishing they usually left you alone as most critters did unless they were curious or you were intruding into their territory..

Makos are nasty, and get huge.  And fast.  Thankfully they like deeper water.  We actually caught one on a boat when we were canyon fishing for tuna and blues.  Maybe a 5-footer.  We were going to bring it on the boat and release it, but as it sat there next to the boat clacking it's jaws, we though better of it and cut the line.  Looks like someone threw a handful of teeth into its mouth, and they grew where they landed 

You make a good point about sailing around the world.  It sounds appealing to me too, but I hadn't considered the locals, pirates, etc.  My focus was always on capsizing and being lucky enough to find a semi-hospitable island to eke a living off of.  Once I made it past the goddamned sharks.  I can't tell if I'm wiser now, or turning into a big puss the older I get 

---

I love the water but I don't like water I can't see in. I keep my eyes open under water, always have, but I don't like murky water and in the ocean I don't like deep water. 

New Smyrna beach back when you were born to 5 years old or so (I've not been in years so may have changed) was awesome as a result. You had to walk out far to get to waist deep water and it was perfectly clear and pristine water and the sand was a lighter color too which was great, everything stood out. 

That was always my beach of choice, plus at low tide you just parked on the beach and had your lawn chairs, cooler and everything else right there and just did your sunning behind your car... 

My daughter is your age (exactly) and I used to bring her playpen with us and cover it for her naps / quiet time. Lol... 

But I totally understand your concern for sharks - I'm someone with the same concerns. But for me that extends to any water. 

I've been face to face with a water moccasin before from skinny dipping at the rock quarry as a teen (DUMB!) Seen my fare share of snapping turtles in ponds, of course going down the St. John's River in Florida at sundown in an air boat and then shine a light over the water - when it looks like Christmas lights covering the water that's how many alligator eyes are looking at you - scary shit.. lol. I've had my toes nibbled on by curious catfish, which can get huge .. 

So I want to see in any water I'm in, and see clearly... Lol

Sorry if I gave you more fears...

Good old New Smyrna.  I never had the pleasure to swim in the shark bite capital 

I did love Florida though.  My aunt had a house in New Port Richey, complete with a closed-in pool that was screened and covered with anoles every morning.  They were fun to catch until one latched onto my thumb.  That little prick stayed latched on for about 10 minutes, but I'm the one who messed with it, so I couldn't harm it.

They also had a gator in their community pond that people would brilliantly feed.

We went to the Gulf of Mexico one day we were there, that water was amazing.  Up to my chest in water and I could see my feet.  No waves though.  Can't have it all, I guess.

I enjoyed Florida, but I'm a cold-weather guy.  Once the charm wore off I'd be miserable in humid-year-round Florida

[GeauxHomeLittleD]

Haven't dipped a toe in the ocean in many years, probably because I don't live close anymore, but even when I did I had stopped going to the beach due to so many friends and acquaintances getting flesh eating bacteria not only from being in the water but a few of them from just walking barefoot along the water or sitting on the sand. Then on top of all that rattlesnakes started infesting the beach there- first just on Galveston island but then spread out along most of the Bolivar peninsula. That was a big NOPE for me!

[Snarl]

The beach.

I have a rule: When I visit Miami, I go straight to the beach and walk out knee deep. Yeah I take off my shoes and socks, but the pants are gettin' wet.

Grew up about 20 miles from Daytona Beach ... The World's Most Famous Beach ... back in those days. We were damned poor and took a lot of our meals out of those waters. I got a helicopter ride that flew a few miles along the shore. The numbers of sharks swimming amongst the bathers was an unforgettable sight to see.

Retired from the service on Oahu back in '98. SCUBA diving was a free recreational activity for me and I was out there most every day if I was on the island. Dove off of Electric Beach. Would snorkel out to the 3d reef. If you looked back over your shoulder you couldn't see the island above the wave tops.

Now I live a half hour or so south of kdog and GHLD. Only 'water' around here is the Ohio River.

I've had a few encounters with sharks. Bull sharks are nothing to mess with. I got bumped by one in Florida. Probably just an accident. I had a Tiger tear my fin off while I was exiting the water in Hawaii. Caused a nasty break in my ankle. Had another Tiger encounter ... he wanted my catch bag more than I did. I wasn't gonna get in a fight over it. Those happened so fast there wasn't really enough time for any feeling of terror to build. I did get in the water where there were a ton of hammerheads schooling. That raised the hackles of all the divers and we got back up on the boat and called it a day. Saw a bunch of pelagics during a blue water dive. We got out of the water quickly then too.

There's much worse stuff in the oceans than sharks.

[Schmoe]

The beach.

I have a rule: When I visit Miami, I go straight to the beach and walk out knee deep. Yeah I take off my shoes and socks, but the pants are gettin' wet.

Grew up about 20 miles from Daytona Beach ... The World's Most Famous Beach ... back in those days. We were damned poor and took a lot of our meals out of those waters. I got a helicopter ride that flew a few miles along the shore. The numbers of sharks swimming amongst the bathers was an unforgettable sight to see.

Retired from the service on Oahu back in '98. SCUBA diving was a free recreational activity for me and I was out there most every day if I was on the island. Dove off of Electric Beach. Would snorkel out to the 3d reef. If you looked back over your shoulder you couldn't see the island above the wave tops.

Now I live a half hour or so south of kdog and GHLD. Only 'water' around here is the Ohio River.

I've had a few encounters with sharks. Bull sharks are nothing to mess with. I got bumped by one in Florida. Probably just an accident. I had a Tiger tear my fin off while I was exiting the water in Hawaii. Caused a nasty break in my ankle. Had another Tiger encounter ... he wanted my catch bag more than I did. I wasn't gonna get in a fight over it. Those happened so fast there wasn't really enough time for any feeling of terror to build. I did get in the water where there were a ton of hammerheads schooling. That raised the hackles of all the divers and we got back up on the boat and called it a day. Saw a bunch of pelagics during a blue water dive. We got out of the water quickly then too.

There's much worse stuff in the oceans than sharks.

Yikes.  I'd have deployed the squid defense if my fin got latched onto by a tiger 

I've never been scuba diving, but I did love swimming with fins, felt like I was flying underwater.  I watched a GoPro video of a spearfisherman swimming along, then suddenly the camera view starts rotating 

Turns out a great white crept up behind him and snatched one of his fins.  It even made another pass at him before it left.  I can't imagine the adrenaline.  Those things are underwater trucks with teeth.  

Hammerheads would be creepy too.  They're not known to attack like bulls, tigers, and whites, but they're always curious and like getting close to investigate.  I watched a kayaker smack the shit out of this hammerhead 40 times with his oar, but it kept coming back and checking him out.

---

@ grace:
I was just going to say, I have swam in so many ponds growing up, never thought about it twice.

Until recently, when we were fishing at the neighbors pond, and on the edge was a snapping turtle, almost as big as a car tire.

That was it.  No more ponds.
We don't have the ocean close to us, but I don't mind swimming in lake Michigan.  I did go into the new park lake/old pit with the grandsons a few weeks ago, but I figured there were enough people in the swimming area to scare off any big turtles.

Those still bodies of water also sometimes have those brain-eating amoeba too.  One minute you're happy, swimming, jumping into the water, then a few days later you get a headache, and feel sick, then a few days later you're gone.  I think the survivability is something like 5%.

I'm really starting to feel like Debby Downer in this thread 

[Ninurta]

I used to occasionally go into the water when I lived on the coast of Virginia. Sometimes into the Chesapeake Bay, sometimes into the ocean down at Virginia Beach. That was when I was in my 20's, and fit. Not fit any more, don't live on the coast, so I don't go into the ocean any more.

There was a pier in Hampton where we used to go fishing for sharks. That's my philosophy on them - eat them before they can eat you.

Even if I lived out there still, though, I wouldn't go in the water any more. Not because of the sharks, but because of the jellyfish. I hate those bastards, but love to watch them swim - so long as I'm not in amongst them. They look like transparent ghosts floating through the water... LOTS of transparent ghosts.

Freshwater critters, I eat them before they can eat me, too. We've a lot of snapping turtles around here, and they're good eatin'. You just have to bite them before they bite you. If I see one ambling along, I usually step on the middle of his back to immobilize him and to keep from getting bit - they can't bite anything on their back shell. Then I'll get a stick and pop that sucker right in the yap with it. You don't have to do that too many times before they get irritated and bite the stick, and when they bite, they won't turn loose of the stick. Then I pull the stick to stretch their neck out, and lop their head off. After that, it's all over but the eating.

They gather in ponds and deep-water holes. We used to have a new one every so often that would take up residence in a pool of water in a creek across the road from my house, where the ducks went to swim, and the snappers would pester the ducks. One bit the entire ass off of a duckling one year (we doctored the duckling up, and it survived, believe it or not), and another that broke a couple toes on some adult ducks trying to catch them by the feet to drown them. I spend many an hour sitting on the bank of that water hole waiting on the snappers to poke their noses out of the water to catch a breath of air. When one did, I'd shoot it right in the mouth. That tends to take a lot of the fight out of them, and they sink to the bottom like a rock. I made a special garden hoe with a 10 foot handle to rake them out of the water with after I'd shoot one.

I caught one once when I didn't have anything to lop it's head off with, and had to carry it all the way home by the tail, holding it out to the side at arm's length to keep it from getting me. They get pretty heavy after a mile or so of carrying them like that.

Folks that live on or near the Ohio should be pretty familiar wit catfish and "hellbenders", what we can "grampus" around here. The hellbenders are just giant salamanders. The biggest one I ever saw was only about 3 feet long, but Dear Old Dad swore that they used to get 5 and 6 feet long. Most of them around here top out at a foot and a half or 2 feet these days. Got thousands of bitty little teeth like sandpaper, the same sort of teeth that a catfish has,

I've heard of 5 and 6 foot catfish being caught out of the Ohio regularly, But I've never seen one that big. I've never understood folks that go "grappling" or "graveling" them. That's where you wade along the river bank and stick your arm into holes in the bank you find trying to catch catfish by hand. You're about as likely to catch a turtle or a snake as you are a catfish. That's just ain't my cup of tea - whatever you catch may just catch you first if you ain't doing it right. My grandpa caught a catfish like that once, but didn't stick his fingers into it's gills quick enough. If you don't, they roll like an alligator, and that one got to rolling and wore all the hide off grandpa's thumb with those bitty little sandpaper teeth.

I've had catfish gore me with those pointy-ass bones they have in their pectoral and dorsal fins. That ain't much fun, either, but it make eating that bastard a little more satisfying - an "I WIN!" sort of moment.

We used to go lay on the river bank for days at a time and set trot lines across the river, weight them down to sink them to the bottom to catch catfish. Caught a lot of catfish that way, and a lot of other stuff, too. We ate a grampus we caught on one one night. Not much different from eating a frog, once you got the skin off to get past the slime. We checked the trot line every 3 hours or so through the night, and to do that you had to wade out into the river to pick the line up and check it, so we took turns checking it. One night, a friend got half way across the river and started screaming that we'd "caught an alligator!". So I jumped into the river to help him and to see what it really was - there ain't no alligators around here, but I figured it must have been a big mean something.  I think that time it was a gar fish. nasty bastards, with great big needle-like saber teeth. We ate it, too You usually have to use steel leaders to catch one, since they will whip their heads and cut regular line with their teeth, then escape.

So you don't actually have to go into the ocean to find stuff that thinks you might be a good meal. Pro tip: check your trot lines buck nekkid. You don't want one of those curious fish swimming into your cutoff jeans and then getting trapped there! It's damned hard to do the dance when you're chest deep in water!

.

[Schmoe]

I used to occasionally go into the water when I lived on the coast of Virginia. Sometimes into the Chesapeake Bay, sometimes into the ocean down at Virginia Beach. That was when I was in my 20's, and fit. Not fit any more, don't live on the coast, so I don't go into the ocean any more.

There was a pier in Hampton where we used to go fishing for sharks. That's my philosophy on them - eat them before they can eat you.

Even if I lived out there still, though, I wouldn't go in the water any more. Not because of the sharks, but because of the jellyfish. I hate those bastards, but love to watch them swim - so long as I'm not in amongst them. They look like transparent ghosts floating through the water... LOTS of transparent ghosts.

Freshwater critters, I eat them before they can eat me, too. We've a lot of snapping turtles around here, and they're good eatin'. You just have to bite them before they bite you. If I see one ambling along, I usually step on the middle of his back to immobilize him and to keep from getting bit - they can't bite anything on their back shell. Then I'll get a stick and pop that sucker right in the yap with it. You don't have to do that too many times before they get irritated and bite the stick, and when they bite, they won't turn loose of the stick. Then I pull the stick to stretch their neck out, and lop their head off. After that, it's all over but the eating.

They gather in ponds and deep-water holes. We used to have a new one every so often that would take up residence in a pool of water in a creek across the road from my house, where the ducks went to swim, and the snappers would pester the ducks. One bit the entire ass off of a duckling one year (we doctored the duckling up, and it survived, believe it or not), and another that broke a couple toes on some adult ducks trying to catch them by the feet to drown them. I spend many an hour sitting on the bank of that water hole waiting on the snappers to poke their noses out of the water to catch a breath of air. When one did, I'd shoot it right in the mouth. That tends to take a lot of the fight out of them, and they sink to the bottom like a rock. I made a special garden hoe with a 10 foot handle to rake them out of the water with after I'd shoot one.

I caught one once when I didn't have anything to lop it's head off with, and had to carry it all the way home by the tail, holding it out to the side at arm's length to keep it from getting me. They get pretty heavy after a mile or so of carrying them like that.

Folks that live on or near the Ohio should be pretty familiar wit catfish and "hellbenders", what we can "grampus" around here. The hellbenders are just giant salamanders. The biggest one I ever saw was only about 3 feet long, but Dear Old Dad swore that they used to get 5 and 6 feet long. Most of them around here top out at a foot and a half or 2 feet these days. Got thousands of bitty little teeth like sandpaper, the same sort of teeth that a catfish has,

I've heard of 5 and 6 foot catfish being caught out of the Ohio regularly, But I've never seen one that big. I've never understood folks that go "grappling" or "graveling" them. That's where you wade along the river bank and stick your arm into holes in the bank you find trying to catch catfish by hand. You're about as likely to catch a turtle or a snake as you are a catfish. That's just ain't my cup of tea - whatever you catch may just catch you first if you ain't doing it right. My grandpa caught a catfish like that once, but didn't stick his fingers into it's gills quick enough. If you don't, they roll like an alligator, and that one got to rolling and wore all the hide off grandpa's thumb with those bitty little sandpaper teeth.

I've had catfish gore me with those pointy-ass bones they have in their pectoral and dorsal fins. That ain't much fun, either, but it make eating that bastard a little more satisfying - an "I WIN!" sort of moment.

We used to go lay on the river bank for days at a time and set trot lines across the river, weight them down to sink them to the bottom to catch catfish. Caught a lot of catfish that way, and a lot of other stuff, too. We ate a grampus we caught on one one night. Not much different from eating a frog, once you got the skin off to get past the slime. We checked the trot line every 3 hours or so through the night, and to do that you had to wade out into the river to pick the line up and check it, so we took turns checking it. One night, a friend got half way across the river and started screaming that we'd "caught an alligator!". So I jumped into the river to help him and to see what it really was - there ain't no alligators around here, but I figured it must have been a big mean something.  I think that time it was a gar fish. nasty bastards, with great big needle-like saber teeth. We ate it, too You usually have to use steel leaders to catch one, since they will whip their heads and cut regular line with their teeth, then escape.

So you don't actually have to go into the ocean to find stuff that thinks you might be a good meal. Pro tip: check your trot lines buck nekkid. You don't want one of those curious fish swimming into your cutoff jeans and then getting trapped there! It's damned hard to do the dance when you're chest deep in water!

.

Waiting to snipe a turtle surfacing for air sounds like a better version of whack-a-mole 

Those snappers are nasty.  I drove by a shitty little pond once and tucked that information away for later.  Those little ponds sometimes have the biggest bass, so I went back, caught nothing for awhile, and thought I hit a snag as I was reeling my line in to switch up my bait.

I was about to cut the line and my losses because I was hooked on something heavy, but it was coming in, SLOWLY.  I finally got it to the edge of the pond, and up rears it's ugly head and gaping beak.  Big ass snapping turtle.  I rolled my eyes and cut the line anyway, I've seen those bastards snap their heads out practically behind their bodies.  No thanks.

I'm with you on those people noodling.  You couldn't pay me to stick my hand in some submerged hole.  Thankfully I don't have cottonmouths up here, but nor do I feel like getting a good chunk of hand bitten off by a snapper, or even barbed by a catfish.  That happened to me once, too.  I was younger and fishing, reeled in my water-filled-boot-feeling catfish, and got barbed in the palm of my hand.  That was an interesting pain.  Deep, throbbing, and long-lasting.

Those alligator gar look like dinosaurs, and probably are.  They look like a good time, removing the hook.  They're like our version of Africa's tigerfish, which are also nasty, and apparently will go after you.

You're right, there's plenty of shit in freshwater that will ruin your day.  I'm north, so I don't have to worry about water moccasins, alligators, crocodiles, or gar.  You get the occasional bull shark out of the Delaware River, not that I've caught any, but undoubtedly it was a bull responsible for the New Jersey shark attacks in a goddamned creek that killed a few people and inspired the movie Jaws.

All those other animals with ruin your day, but those bull sharks will remove a leg in one second.

[Ninurta]

Waiting to snipe a turtle surfacing for air sounds like a better version of whack-a-mole 

Those snappers are nasty.  I drove by a shitty little pond once and tucked that information away for later.  Those little ponds sometimes have the biggest bass, so I went back, caught nothing for awhile, and thought I hit a snag as I was reeling my line in to switch up my bait.

I was about to cut the line and my losses because I was hooked on something heavy, but it was coming in, SLOWLY.  I finally got it to the edge of the pond, and up rears it's ugly head and gaping beak.  Big ass snapping turtle.  I rolled my eyes and cut the line anyway, I've seen those bastards snap their heads out practically behind their bodies.  No thanks.

I'm with you on those people noodling.  You couldn't pay me to stick my hand in some submerged hole.  Thankfully I don't have cottonmouths up here, but nor do I feel like getting a good chunk of hand bitten off by a snapper, or even barbed by a catfish.  That happened to me once, too.  I was younger and fishing, reeled in my water-filled-boot-feeling catfish, and got barbed in the palm of my hand.  That was an interesting pain.  Deep, throbbing, and long-lasting.

Those alligator gar look like dinosaurs, and probably are.  They look like a good time, removing the hook.  They're like our version of Africa's tigerfish, which are also nasty, and apparently will go after you.

You're right, there's plenty of shit in freshwater that will ruin your day.  I'm north, so I don't have to worry about water moccasins, alligators, crocodiles, or gar.  You get the occasional bull shark out of the Delaware River, not that I've caught any, but undoubtedly it was a bull responsible for the New Jersey shark attacks in a goddamned creek that killed a few people and inspired the movie Jaws.

All those other animals with ruin your day, but those bull sharks will remove a leg in one second.

Gars are interesting. There are two sorts here, the alligator gars and the needle nosed gars. Both are hard as hell to clean - their scales do not overlap, they are diamond-shaped and butt edge to edge, so you can't just scale them, and the knife slips right over the scales and doesn't do any damage. they are more or less armored. The only luck I've had cleaning them involves peeling the entire skin off with a pair of pliers. A big one will have scales big enough to use as arrow heads.

When you encounter a turtle noodling, it's an interesting sensation. You have to keep your hand flat and scoot it along the bottom, and that way they can't get a finger because the lower jaw can't get under it, but when you find one, it feels like a chicken pecking at the palm of your hand. Best thing to do is snatch your hand right back out when that happens, lickey-quick, before they figure out how to get a good bite on you.

Sniping turtles in a water hole isn't as boring as it sounds. They can only hold a breath for maybe a half hour or 45 minutes, so if you watch close, you'll see that nose break surface to catch a breath. You just look for circular ripples with a sharp nose in the middle of them, and aim just below that nose poking out. Once, I shot one in the mouth, broke it's lower jaw, but I couldn't find an exit wound where the bullet came out. After I cleaned it, I still never found the bullet, and have no idea what happened to it. I had one try to climb a rock to get at the biggest catfish I ever caught, which I had placed in the creek to keep fresh until I was ready to clean it. That kinda pissed me off, so I ate the snapper, too. That was on my 15th birthday. I recall it because we'd been camping on the river, and I caught the biggest catfish I'd ever caught out of that river, and I thought that was a great birthday present.

I used a .22 to snipe snappers, rather than a larger caliber. That way, the bullet didn't scramble their innards or blow the shell up and ruin the meat, and a .22 is all you need to drop one to the bottom so you can claw it back out with a long-handled hoe or rake.

The biggest one I ever saw must have been 5 feet across it's shell - it filled the bed of a pickup truck with just a little wiggle room. I'd say it weighed close to 300 pounds, and was caught in Ohio. It's head was almost as big as a watermelon.

That's not one I'd like to run into swimming, and now I know they ARE out there!

.

[Schmoe]

Waiting to snipe a turtle surfacing for air sounds like a better version of whack-a-mole 

Those snappers are nasty.  I drove by a shitty little pond once and tucked that information away for later.  Those little ponds sometimes have the biggest bass, so I went back, caught nothing for awhile, and thought I hit a snag as I was reeling my line in to switch up my bait.

I was about to cut the line and my losses because I was hooked on something heavy, but it was coming in, SLOWLY.  I finally got it to the edge of the pond, and up rears it's ugly head and gaping beak.  Big ass snapping turtle.  I rolled my eyes and cut the line anyway, I've seen those bastards snap their heads out practically behind their bodies.  No thanks.

I'm with you on those people noodling.  You couldn't pay me to stick my hand in some submerged hole.  Thankfully I don't have cottonmouths up here, but nor do I feel like getting a good chunk of hand bitten off by a snapper, or even barbed by a catfish.  That happened to me once, too.  I was younger and fishing, reeled in my water-filled-boot-feeling catfish, and got barbed in the palm of my hand.  That was an interesting pain.  Deep, throbbing, and long-lasting.

Those alligator gar look like dinosaurs, and probably are.  They look like a good time, removing the hook.  They're like our version of Africa's tigerfish, which are also nasty, and apparently will go after you.

You're right, there's plenty of shit in freshwater that will ruin your day.  I'm north, so I don't have to worry about water moccasins, alligators, crocodiles, or gar.  You get the occasional bull shark out of the Delaware River, not that I've caught any, but undoubtedly it was a bull responsible for the New Jersey shark attacks in a goddamned creek that killed a few people and inspired the movie Jaws.

All those other animals with ruin your day, but those bull sharks will remove a leg in one second.

Gars are interesting. There are two sorts here, the alligator gars and the needle nosed gars. Both are hard as hell to clean - their scales do not overlap, they are diamond-shaped and butt edge to edge, so you can't just scale them, and the knife slips right over the scales and doesn't do any damage. they are more or less armored. The only luck I've had cleaning them involves peeling the entire skin off with a pair of pliers. A big one will have scales big enough to use as arrow heads.

When you encounter a turtle noodling, it's an interesting sensation. You have to keep your hand flat and scoot it along the bottom, and that way they can't get a finger because the lower jaw can't get under it, but when you find one, it feels like a chicken pecking at the palm of your hand. Best thing to do is snatch your hand right back out when that happens, lickey-quick, before they figure out how to get a good bite on you.

Sniping turtles in a water hole isn't as boring as it sounds. They can only hold a breath for maybe a half hour or 45 minutes, so if you watch close, you'll see that nose break surface to catch a breath. You just look for circular ripples with a sharp nose in the middle of them, and aim just below that nose poking out. Once, I shot one in the mouth, broke it's lower jaw, but I couldn't find an exit wound where the bullet came out. After I cleaned it, I still never found the bullet, and have no idea what happened to it. I had one try to climb a rock to get at the biggest catfish I ever caught, which I had placed in the creek to keep fresh until I was ready to clean it. That kinda pissed me off, so I ate the snapper, too. That was on my 15th birthday. I recall it because we'd been camping on the river, and I caught the biggest catfish I'd ever caught out of that river, and I thought that was a great birthday present.

I used a .22 to snipe snappers, rather than a larger caliber. That way, the bullet didn't scramble their innards or blow the shell up and ruin the meat, and a .22 is all you need to drop one to the bottom so you can claw it back out with a long-handled hoe or rake.

The biggest one I ever saw must have been 5 feet across it's shell - it filled the bed of a pickup truck with just a little wiggle room. I'd say it weighed close to 300 pounds, and was caught in Ohio. It's head was almost as big as a watermelon.

That's not one I'd like to run into swimming, and now I know they ARE out there!

.

I wasn't pissing on your turtle sniping, I probably should have said it's a FUNNIER version of whack-a-mole.

Those snappers are pretty cool-looking, though.  All armored up and claws like a damn bear.  Their worm lure of a tongue is interesting for the people who don't believe in evolution.  Like that snake, I can't remember the name, which has a tail that looks like a crawling spider to lure in whatever eats spiders.  Birds, lizards, etc.

I guess things that live in water just all have attitude problems.  I tried grabbing a northern water snake one time when I was bored to tears after catching nothing all morning.  Every single time I brought my lure in, the snake popped out from the underwater rocks and watched it, but never struck at it. That thing bit the ever living shit out of me.  This is a while ago, but it bit me quick a few times, then started gnawing.  I knew they aren't venomous, but apparently the saliva is an anticoagulant, and it bled and bled.  I threw it back in the water.  I have a rule about harming animals I messed with in the first place.  I respected it for defending itself.

[Snarl]

I wasn't pissing on your turtle sniping, I probably should have said it's a FUNNIER version of whack-a-mole.

We had a property down in Florida had a lake on it. Damned turtles. I use to shoot them with a BB gun. Sure keeps your shooting skills up.

If you'd wait, the turtles would surface after a while and do the plop-plop. It was like they were trying to keep from drowning. That's when you'd go at 'em with the .22 and finish 'em off. I could never tell if I got one or it got away when I'd shoot with the .22 first.

If you wanted to catch 'em, best way was with hot dog chunks on a string line. I'd do my best to clean out the turtles every summer. The operative word in the previous sentence being 'every'. If no one made the effort, the turtles would clean out the lake of all the good fish. If you let the turtle population go ... that would draw in the gaters.

When I first started in on the turtles there were some damned big ones ... two foot shells maybe. After, seeing a shell bigger than a foot got to be unusual. I'd still pull 50 or 60 out of the lake year to year. No telling where they were coming from.

Know what _loves_ to eat snapping turtles? Eagles. We had five nesting pairs of eagles on our property for a while. We put a fence around the base of their tree (to keep people away you know <wink-wink>). I'd go to throw those turtles in and the eagles'd be on 'em before I even moved away. Just bite right through their shells. Turtles hissing their asses off. Then ... CaRUNCH!!

Good times ... noodle salad ... except for the stank.

[Schmoe]

I wasn't pissing on your turtle sniping, I probably should have said it's a FUNNIER version of whack-a-mole.p

We had a property down in Florida had a lake on it. Damned turtles. I use to shoot them with a BB gun. Sure keeps your shooting skills up.

If you'd wait, the turtles would surface after a while and do the plop-plop. It was like they were trying to keep from drowning. That's when you'd go at 'em with the .22 and finish 'em off. I could never tell if I got one or it got away when I'd shoot with the .22 first.

If you wanted to catch 'em, best way was with hot dog chunks on a string line. I'd do my best to clean out the turtles every summer. The operative word in the previous sentence being 'every'. If no one made the effort, the turtles would clean out the lake of all the good fish. If you let the turtle population go ... that would draw in the gaters.

When I first started in on the turtles there were some damned big ones ... two foot shells maybe. After, seeing a shell bigger than a foot got to be unusual. I'd still pull 50 or 60 out of the lake year to year. No telling where they were coming from.

Know what _loves_ to eat snapping turtles? Eagles. We had five nesting pairs of eagles on our property for a while. We put a fence around the base of their tree (to keep people away you know <wink-wink>). I'd go to throw those turtles in and the eagles'd be on 'em before I even moved away. Just bite right through their shells. Turtles hissing their asses off. Then ... CaRUNCH!!

Good times ... noodle salad ... except for the stank.

Holy shit, I knew all about the strength of eagle feet and talons, but I had no idea they had such strong jaws too.  I've seen videos of alligators and crocodiles having to gnaw on those turtles for a minute or two before...CRUNCH.  One particularly juicy turtle was being tossed around in a gator's jaws and when it finally gave out, all this blood flew out of the gator's mouth on either side.  Pretty metal.

[Ninurta]

We had a property down in Florida had a lake on it. Damned turtles. I use to shoot them with a BB gun. Sure keeps your shooting skills up.

It sure does!

There used to be a "swinging bridge" across Clinch River about a mile below our house. For them that don't know, a swinging bridge is a foot bridge across a body of water that has a board floor suspended by either rope or steel cables, and anchored only on the ends at the river bank. It swings in the wind, or even just when your weight shifts on it taking a step. Every little breeze seems to whisper Louise as it makes you try to dance to stay on it.

Right after my mom and dad were married, he used to take a .22 down to that swinging bridge, walk out into the middle of it, and start shooting turtles that were sunning themselves on rocks sticking out of the river.

While the bridge was swinging.

That gent was what they call "a crack shot".

.

[Snarl]

We had a property down in Florida had a lake on it. Damned turtles. I use to shoot them with a BB gun. Sure keeps your shooting skills up.

It sure does!

There used to be a "swinging bridge" across Clinch River about a mile below our house. For them that don't know, a swinging bridge is a foot bridge across a body of water that has a board floor suspended by either rope or steel cables, and anchored only on the ends at the river bank. It swings in the wind, or even just when your weight shifts on it taking a step. Every little breeze seems to whisper Louise as it makes you try to dance to stay on it.

Right after my mom and dad were married, he used to take a .22 down to that swinging bridge, walk out into the middle of it, and start shooting turtles that were sunning themselves on rocks sticking out of the river.

While the bridge was swinging.

That gent was what they call "a crack shot".

It's amazing what you can do with a small caliber. It's also amazing to see people with unusual (and near impossible) skills.

I remember hearing about that frogman mission where they interdicted hostage takers on the open sea. I don't think I'd have had the nerve to take the shots that were made to neutralize the bad guys. Not even sure I could pull off a shot from the tree tops. More skills required than I have in my bag o'tricks.