Coo Coo for Coco Puffs

[FlickerOfLight]

I had a funny thought as I have come to the end of some conclusions. I'd like to leave this for yall as I cha cha cha out the door once again.

But, I swear, by the time this is all said and done, with all this new madness evolving, with all the truths and all the lies, and by the time I'm an old man sitting in my rocking chair on my front porch shaking my fist at the damn kids on my lawn, I am gonna be straight up coo coo for cocoa puffs.

I'm talking, full on, padded room talking and laughing with the walls cray cray.

Sitting back and watching some of the things I've witnessed others doing lately, decisions they make, foolishness they bask in, and as I'm holding it all in, and having to bite my tongue at this point because words have lost all meaning, this, this is going to break my brain. 

Lol

I think it's started already.  (I'm giggling at myself as I am both joking and serious at the same time).

But damn..... (just took a big sigh) I'm not sure how much more of all this I can rightly just sit and watch.  I think my own IQ has dropped just from listening and observing others the last few years.   Yeesh.

It's on a daily basis at this point that I'm having that head snap back-'say huuuuuhhhh' moment; you know the ones that are damn near traumatic when you hear absolutely stupidity, that it sorta jolts the brain.

I had come to find out a whole lot of information about where I come from, and the strongholds of the mind that are 'me', and as I came to the end of this horrid nightmare of realizations that I never could have imagined, right under my nose my whole life, and as bad as all that was and had the potential to completely break any human being I came to a point that I simply laughed. 


A good ol deep from the soul laugh. And I laughed and laughed and actually started praising God, as I laughed in joy at my humble position in this world, and all the weird unexplainable crap luck I've dragged around all these years. And, As I'm laughing I'm realizing that the worst things that have happened to me, and the nightmarish life I've lived, has actually all been an epic blessing in disguise.

So, I've decided I'm just going to sit back, shut my mouth, bite my tongue, and just let the crazy seep on in, and have some fun with it, as I lose my ever lovin mind watching this world shoot itself in the proverbial foot, over and over and over again.

The end of my tale is this. I'm looking forward to being the bat shi* crazy old man walking around mumbling to himself and giggling. 

Senility seems alright. I'll get to meet someone new everyday. I'll be coo coo for coco puffs, but inside I'll be a happy old man, knowing this ride is almost over, and I get to go on that great space coaster to the forever and ever land. 


But I know that this life, and this world, will have driven me full blown crazy by the time my clock runs out. 
I'm good with that.

Cheers, Rogue-Nation.

[NightskyeB4Dawn]

I had a funny thought as I have come to the end of some conclusions. I'd like to leave this for yall as I cha cha cha out the door once again.

But, I swear, by the time this is all said and done, with all this new madness evolving, with all the truths and all the lies, and by the time I'm an old man sitting in my rocking chair on my front porch shaking my fist at the damn kids on my lawn, I am gonna be straight up coo coo for cocoa puffs.

I'm talking, full on, padded room talking and laughing with the walls cray cray.

In other words, you will fit right in. An active and productive member of f the new normal.

I am giggling right beside you. It is better than crying.

[FlickerOfLight]

I had a funny thought as I have come to the end of some conclusions. I'd like to leave this for yall as I cha cha cha out the door once again.

But, I swear, by the time this is all said and done, with all this new madness evolving, with all the truths and all the lies, and by the time I'm an old man sitting in my rocking chair on my front porch shaking my fist at the damn kids on my lawn, I am gonna be straight up coo coo for cocoa puffs.

I'm talking, full on, padded room talking and laughing with the walls cray cray.

In other words, you will fit right in. An active and productive member of f the new normal.

I am giggling right beside you. It is better than crying.

Yep. That's going to be the only way I make it through the rest of my days in clown world 3.0.

And yes, I came to that place where I had three choices. Break and be angry, cry.....or just laugh it off.

I laughed at it all, with absolute joy about it. 

I realized there was no way I was not going to be continually shocked by the stupidity of this falling world. I might as well stop fighting it, and just let go--------completely. (Let go let God)

Even with the knowledge that I do, in fact, have the Lord with me, guiding me, I know my mind is going to break and send me to the looney bin.

I'll end up being the one who flew over the coo coo nest.

It'll be a fitting end to my story. I'll be giggling the whole way.

I figure, at least I see that I'm going crazy; while the rest of the world doesn't see how far they've fallen into madness.

[NightskyeB4Dawn]

When I was in hospital and in rehab, I had all the staff thinking I had lost my mind.

I don't know why, but I found every obstacle funny as hell. When my hands or my legs wouldn't do what I wanted them to do and they did what they wanted to do, I found it hysterical. It made me laugh so hard that I actually cried.

I had conversations with God, out loud and I made it through. The staff was often coming into my room, to see what had me so hysterical, so it was not unusual to have staff and visitors in my room laughing with me.

It is a mad mad world, but I feel fine. I am going to keep on talking to God out loud, I am going to keep on laughing through the pain, over and through the obstacles, and keep my heart filled with love to block out as much hate and evil that I can.

We will look like two old folks sitting on the porch giggling. But we will be fine.

[FlickerOfLight]

When I was in hospital and in rehab, I had all the staff thinking I had lost my mind.

I don't know why, but I found every obstacle funny as hell. When my hands or my legs wouldn't do what I wanted them to do and they did what they wanted to do, I found it hysterical. It made me laugh so hard that I actually cried.

I had conversations with God, out loud and I made it through. The staff was often coming into my room, to see what had me so hysterical, so it was not unusual to have staff and visitors in my room laughing with me.

It is a mad mad world, but I feel fine. I am going to keep on talking to God out loud, I am going to keep on laughing through the pain, over and through the obstacles, and keep my heart filled with love to block out as much hate and evil that I can.

We will look like two old folks sitting on the porch giggling. But we will be fine.

We really are two peas from the same pod.

I was just walking around and having a conversation with God, both in my head, and out loud. I'll be walking around doing this, looking like I'm talking to myself, and then I'll just bust out laughing at an epiphany I'm having through this "conversation" I'm having with God.

I was wondering if I was the only one who was doing this, and a bog part of how I know* this world and life is going to break my brain eventually. 

I got two nice rocking chairs for us, Nightsky.... bring some snacks and we'll slip into senility together. Lol

I'm smiling from ear to ear as I am at total peace with this. 

It's a good feeling. 

Like a joy that shouldn't be there.

But, is...

[EndtheMadnessNow]

I've gotten to the point of where the more you learn, the more Qs you have (ad infinitum). Knowing is not always the point because some things you will never know. It's the experience (that our Soul Being chose) which is the point. There is this thing called humor, it's a great thing. There is also this thing called smiling and laughing, even better things. These "things" are good for the Soul. Laugh often and try to make others laugh too. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Misery loves company.

[FlickerOfLight]

I've gotten to the point of where the more you learn, the more Qs you have (ad infinitum). Knowing is not always the point because some things you will never know. It's the experience (that our Soul Being chose) which is the point. There is this thing called humor, it's a great thing. There is also this thing called smiling and laughing, even better things. These "things" are good for the Soul. Laugh often and try to make others laugh too. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Misery loves company.

I'll put it like this.

I'm not miserable within. The world around me is miserable and it has done nothing but drag me down with it. I love my solitude; my alone time. I have become far far happier the more alone I stay. When I'm by myself, and left alone I feel just fine. At total peace and at total rest.

It's when I get around other people that all of that gets torn down.

I have chosen not to participate. In any of it.

Instead of being around people,  I have taken up gardening. The plants keep me happy and balanced, along with my puppy dog.

When I am in my own little world I am full of joy and hope and comfort. 

It's gotten to the point that anytime I step outside of that, I'm uncomfortable. 

Because of my observational skills. That honestly wished now I didn't have.

Ignorance is most definitely bliss.

And yeah, totally agree. Becareful what truths you go searching for. If I've searched it, it's been vital to my existence. I'm one who needed to understand certain things about my past to understand my present. Now that I sit in that understanding I have come back to my laughter. 

I had always used humor as a way to cope. Making others laugh, even at my own expense, my whole life.

I have known many good times and great laughter shared with many good people. I am thankful for this. I am glad I have seen all sides.



The world is taking the laughter away from itself. 

I'm glad I've chosen this experience. I do feel and believe that same thought. That this was a choice.

It just didn't take me long to realize that this place was not worth it. Lol Wherever it is I came from, and am going back to, is where my heart is. Weird, but I have always felt kind of "homesick."

[Ninurta]

I don't worry too much about the world any more. I did my bit to save it, and failed, and only then came to the realization that no one can save it, and it's not going to save itself. It just refuses to even try. What the young do not understand is that the world is a really big place, just too big a place compared to one person, and there are too many other folks working against you trying to destroy it. That realization gave me an "I don't care" attitude, a "nothing matters and so what if it did?" attitude.

There is a reason it's called "clown world". it's a funny place, if you know how to watch it unfold. The people in it are, largely, just plain silly, and that amuses me. So, I sit back, and watch, and laugh. Sometimes I give advice, knowing that no one is going to follow it, and hilarity generally ensues when they don't - but they were told, y'know? I don't care if they follow the advice or not, which is probably a good thing since they usually don't... they know a lot better than me. I'm just that crazy old guy that talks out of his ass all the time. Then, when their actions inevitably end in disaster or semi-disaster, it's funny to watch them backpedal.

Kinda like now, as the Bidenites backpedal because they charged forward without a clue how to win back the voters they are losing. That's just plain funny. It won't matter of course - whomever is going to win has already been selected, and the votes to bring them over the top are being printed in China as we speak. Why get overwrought about it? There's nothing we can do to change it... so we might as well sit back and laugh. Laughing is a lot healthier than stressing over the stuff you can't affect.

And the people! They're all over the top, bad at acting because they put too much effort in to it - and it shows - and most are simply caricatures of what a human being used to be. You know, caricatures. False images that have exaggerated features that make people look more like themselves that their actual self does.

No one thinks any more. Everyone just reacts, and reacting means that whomever they are reacting to is actually controlling them. All the controller has to do is pull the right string and watch them dance on cue. That goes for "Liberals" and "Conservatives" both - whether political, social, financial, or what have you. It's a "clown world", and like clowns, every move folks make is an exaggeration of what pre-"new normal" normal folks would have made.

All of that combines to make life one hell of a comedy show. For folks who are still uptight about stuff, relax. Ain't no one getting out of this life alive, so nothing matters... and so what if it did?

.

[NightskyeB4Dawn]

I don't worry too much about the world any more. I did my bit to save it, and failed, and only then came to the realization that no one can save it, and it's not going to save itself. It just refuses to even try. What the young do not understand is that the world is a really big place, just too big a place compared to one person, and there are too many other folks working against you trying to destroy it. That realization gave me an "I don't care" attitude, a "nothing matters and so what if it did?" attitude.

There is a reason it's called "clown world". it's a funny place, if you know how to watch it unfold. The people in it are, largely, just plain silly, and that amuses me. So, I sit back, and watch, and laugh. Sometimes I give advice, knowing that no one is going to follow it, and hilarity generally ensues when they don't - but they were told, y'know? I don't care if they follow the advice or not, which is probably a good thing since they usually don't... they know a lot better than me. I'm just that crazy old guy that talks out of his ass all the time. Then, when their actions inevitably end in disaster or semi-disaster, it's funny to watch them backpedal.

Kinda like now, as the Bidenites backpedal because they charged forward without a clue how to win back the voters they are losing. That's just plain funny. It won't matter of course - whomever is going to win has already been selected, and the votes to bring them over the top are being printed in China as we speak. Why get overwrought about it? There's nothing we can do to change it... so we might as well sit back and laugh. Laughing is a lot healthier than stressing over the stuff you can't affect.

And the people! They're all over the top, bad at acting because they put too much effort in to it - and it shows - and most are simply caricatures of what a human being used to be. You know, caricatures. False images that have exaggerated features that make people look more like themselves that their actual self does.

No one thinks any more. Everyone just reacts, and reacting means that whomever they are reacting to is actually controlling them. All the controller has to do is pull the right string and watch them dance on cue. That goes for "Liberals" and "Conservatives" both - whether political, social, financial, or what have you. It's a "clown world", and like clowns, every move folks make is an exaggeration of what pre-"new normal" normal folks would have made.

All of that combines to make life one hell of a comedy show. For folks who are still uptight about stuff, relax. Ain't no one getting out of this life alive, so nothing matters... and so what if it did?

.

AMEN!!!

[FlickerOfLight]

I don't worry too much about the world any more. I did my bit to save it, and failed, and only then came to the realization that no one can save it, and it's not going to save itself. It just refuses to even try. What the young do not understand is that the world is a really big place, just too big a place compared to one person, and there are too many other folks working against you trying to destroy it. That realization gave me an "I don't care" attitude, a "nothing matters and so what if it did?" attitude.

There is a reason it's called "clown world". it's a funny place, if you know how to watch it unfold. The people in it are, largely, just plain silly, and that amuses me. So, I sit back, and watch, and laugh. Sometimes I give advice, knowing that no one is going to follow it, and hilarity generally ensues when they don't - but they were told, y'know? I don't care if they follow the advice or not, which is probably a good thing since they usually don't... they know a lot better than me. I'm just that crazy old guy that talks out of his ass all the time. Then, when their actions inevitably end in disaster or semi-disaster, it's funny to watch them backpedal.

Kinda like now, as the Bidenites backpedal because they charged forward without a clue how to win back the voters they are losing. That's just plain funny. It won't matter of course - whomever is going to win has already been selected, and the votes to bring them over the top are being printed in China as we speak. Why get overwrought about it? There's nothing we can do to change it... so we might as well sit back and laugh. Laughing is a lot healthier than stressing over the stuff you can't affect.

And the people! They're all over the top, bad at acting because they put too much effort in to it - and it shows - and most are simply caricatures of what a human being used to be. You know, caricatures. False images that have exaggerated features that make people look more like themselves that their actual self does.

No one thinks any more. Everyone just reacts, and reacting means that whomever they are reacting to is actually controlling them. All the controller has to do is pull the right string and watch them dance on cue. That goes for "Liberals" and "Conservatives" both - whether political, social, financial, or what have you. It's a "clown world", and like clowns, every move folks make is an exaggeration of what pre-"new normal" normal folks would have made.

All of that combines to make life one hell of a comedy show. For folks who are still uptight about stuff, relax. Ain't no one getting out of this life alive, so nothing matters... and so what if it did?

.

That's the one thing I was never able to do...

Not care. 

I didn't possess this ability. Even when there was nothing I could do, it still pained me to not be able to help someone. Even if its just with a little guidance, or motivation. A good ol' "you got this" can really make a difference in someone's situation. 

I had never thought about changing the world. I grew up believing Jesus had already done that, and that we were supposed to be a joyful people. 

It was when the realization of this lie hit me is when I became lost in the what now.

My biggest frustration is seeing these misguidings. How smart people fool dumb people just because they can.
Also things Like how a big 6'0" 4th grader steals everyone else lunch money, just because he can. Things of this nature.  

I more or less just wanted to make or leave the world around me a slightly better place. As I've stumbled through my life, I've always been lifting people up who needed it. (Its just me) I was a fiercely loyal friend to all those close to me. I heat drug addiction by the time I was 22 years old. Then had to watch buddy after buddy, friend after friend die from drugs, or stupid living. Friends that I had tried my hardest to encourage to get off the drugs and clean themselves up. Yet, they are gone.

It's as you said, you try, you do your best even knowing people aren't going to listen.

Some people I can just let it roll right off my back like that. Then some times this just isn't possible. 

When I had gotten clean, my son had been born, I was breathing the sober air, and the fog had been lifted, and I was in a place in my life that I was really starting to see some improvement I had felt a duty to help in some way with rehabilitation. This was something I felt was a strong calling on my life. To the point I had considered writing a book about my journey and success of overcoming my addiction. I did all that I could as the years went along to achieve this calling. I had even gone so far as to shoot for a degree in Biblical studies and Ministry. As this was going on I noticed how the drugs kept getting heavier and heavier, stronger and stronger, more addictive and more life and body crushing. By the time I got to the point I was ready and I took a good hard look at the drug world I thought to myself, "There’s no way to get these people off of this stuff." 

In my day I think the numbers were like 1 in 100,000 beat their addiction. Now it's probably something like 1 in a million that can actually come off of that junk and lead a normal successful life.

Fast forward to today, and I still care, but I throw my hands up finally. I do, finally, agree that it's time to hang that up. Find me a quiet spot. And go coo coo in p3ace.

Nature and solitude are the remedy im needing.

The Son of God once said, "Hurry, darkness is coming soon. When no one can work."

I think we are in that literal darkness right now He was referring to. 


But nah, the "change this world" I'm looking forward to will happen once the evil has been wiped from existence. That's the End game I'm looking for.

[Ninurta]

...

Fast forward to today, and I still care, but I throw my hands up finally. I do, finally, agree that it's time to hang that up. Find me a quiet spot. And go coo coo in p3ace.

Nature and solitude are the remedy im needing.

...

When my war was over, I was just... tired. I wasn't sad, I wasn't happy. I pretty much felt nothing at all but just... tired.

Back then, it appeared as if we had "won". We didn't understand yet what a colossal loss it had been. I should have been happy I suppose, but I wasn't. I was just... tired.

I found that spending long periods of time in the woods was healing. I could feel something like the "spirit" of the land, the trees, the plants and critters... the totality of nature. That "spirit", for lack of a better word, would seep into me out there, rejuvenate, revitalize, recalibrate, recharge me. It was "healing" I guess is as close as I can get to explaining it. I reckon it would have calmed me, too, had I needed calming. As far as I can tell, however, I was already way too damned calm. Calmer than I reckon I ought to have been. That kinda spooked me a bit.

I didn't quite know how to handle "peace", such as it was. So I kept putting myself into situations that would result in "not-peace", just to feel alive again, if only for a moment. I eventually took a job for an agency where I could tote a gun for a living, more or less legally, and worked several government contracts (among other security contracts) for them. I did that for around 14 or 15 years before I decided it was time to hang it up and go legit, mainstream... but I never quite made it to mainstream. For me, "mainstream" was just boring and empty. I went through the motions, but I wasn't happy about it.

Even now, I can be in really, really deep shit, and still that unnatural calm is with me. I might just fall all to pieces afterwards, but while the shit is still deep, I'm just calm.

I ended up, as you mention, in solitude surrounded by nature. I've moved into the house my grandparents built, a place that has a lot of happy childhood memories. I can step out onto the deck, and in my minds eye see my grandpa tending the bee gums he used to keep under the shadow of the big white pine tree out there. The bee gums are gone now, and the tree is somewhat bigger, but I can still see the scene.

I have no real contact with anyone other than Grace and our son who stays with us, and one cousin who lives next door, and who can be a mess at times. My yard is a fenced in half acre, and that is completely surrounded by woods, growing right up to the fence, and occasionally trying to breach it.. All I have to do is step out onto the deck and breathe, and I can still feel that "spirit" of nature surrounding me, like being wrapped in a security blanket.

The woods around me are like a cathedral that God Itself built, just for me.

It's peaceful, and that's all I ever really wanted, even when I didn't know that's all I wanted. I have arrived. You will, too.

.

[FlickerOfLight]

...

Fast forward to today, and I still care, but I throw my hands up finally. I do, finally, agree that it's time to hang that up. Find me a quiet spot. And go coo coo in p3ace.

Nature and solitude are the remedy im needing.

...

When my war was over, I was just... tired. I wasn't sad, I wasn't happy. I pretty much felt nothing at all but just... tired.

Back then, it appeared as if we had "won". We didn't understand yet what a colossal loss it had been. I should have been happy I suppose, but I wasn't. I was just... tired.

I found that spending long periods of time in the woods was healing. I could feel something like the "spirit" of the land, the trees, the plants and critters... the totality of nature. That "spirit", for lack of a better word, would seep into me out there, rejuvenate, revitalize, recalibrate, recharge me. It was "healing" I guess is as close as I can get to explaining it. I reckon it would have calmed me, too, had I needed calming. As far as I can tell, however, I was already way too damned calm. Calmer than I reckon I ought to have been. That kinda spooked me a bit.

I didn't quite know how to handle "peace", such as it was. So I kept putting myself into situations that would result in "not-peace", just to feel alive again, if only for a moment. I eventually took a job for an agency where I could tote a gun for a living, more or less legally, and worked several government contracts (among other security contracts) for them. I did that for around 14 or 15 years before I decided it was time to hang it up and go legit, mainstream... but I never quite made it to mainstream. For me, "mainstream" was just boring and empty. I went through the motions, but I wasn't happy about it.

Even now, I can be in really, really deep shit, and still that unnatural calm is with me. I might just fall all to pieces afterwards, but while the shit is still deep, I'm just calm.

I ended up, as you mention, in solitude surrounded by nature. I've moved into the house my grandparents built, a place that has a lot of happy childhood memories. I can step out onto the deck, and in my minds eye see my grandpa tending the bee gums he used to keep under the shadow of the big white pine tree out there. The bee gums are gone now, and the tree is somewhat bigger, but I can still see the scene.

I have no real contact with anyone other than Grace and our son who stays with us, and one cousin who lives next door, and who can be a mess at times. My yard is a fenced in half acre, and that is completely surrounded by woods. All I have to do is step out onto the deck and breathe, and I can still feel that "spirit" of nature surrounding me, like being wrapped in a security blanket.

The woods around me are like a cathedral that God Itself built, just for me.

It's peaceful, and that's all I ever really wanted, even when I didn't know that's all I wanted. I have arrived. You will, too.

.

I admire your self control. It took me till this long to master it. I've decided I needed to learn to master my tongue. To learn to be more silent. I want to learn to master the art of silence. I can keep my mouth shut, except when I get emotional. If I can master my tongue even through these emotions, I will have achieved something pretty significant. The book of James says, the tongue is the hardest muscle to control, and if a man can master his own tongue he can control his whole body. 




The calm you had mentioned. Sorta sounds like shock a little actually. I haven't fought any military war or any kind of real battle with guns and bombs, but I have have some battles in my personal life that after it was done and over I felt absolutely nothing. 

As I've mentioned in an OP, I am BPD. I always "feel" something. But there are a handful of times I have nothing. 

After my divorce I felt nothing. 

In the worst situations, the most pressure, the most dangerous, the absolute scariest situations a human can be in is when I am completely zen. Everything is in slow motion. I am Lazer focused and 100% sure of what I'm doing. This is when my natural leadership skills are at their heights. I am a machine when the shi* is hitting the fan situations. Im in Total control.


But if I can't find my keys I can lose my shi* like a 16 year old kid. The little things is what I have trouble with.


Nature...

Yes. The ocean was always my place of escape. It did not matter how bad things were, or how miserable my life may have been, or it didn't matter what was going on. Once I hit that water..............it was all gone. 

As long as I was in that water I did not have a care in the world. Total peace. 


I had recently spent time up in the mountains. I was fortunate enough to get pretty remote on the side of a mountain. Completely alone. No one for miles. 

I remember this feeling. Like you said, I could just feel the wholeness and oneness of it all. And my connection to it. The silence is heaven to me. Hearing nothing but the leaves blowing in the wind is pure bliss for me. I actually noticed how nice it was to be away from everything. I had never been in this remote of a place completely alone, having no real clue of where I was. It felt like I was beyond lost. Yet, I was at a completely Total peace and calm with this feeling. Best prayer time of my life. Being disconnected like that, from electronics and people and simply just being alone like that high on a mountainside is surreal. I told myself this is what I need. This is what I'm going for. This is my new plan.


I plan on returning to the mountains soon.