Quote:Do not adjust your telescreen. This is not a test. It’s a state of emergency! A full-blown national state of emergency!

Yes, that’s right, once again, we need to dispense with the rule of law and take a series of emergency measures in order to save “democracy,” or “freedom,” or “to remedy the distress of the people and the nation,” or “protect the people from a respiratory virus,” or a “woke mind virus,” or “deep state agents,” or “the terrorists,” or “bureaucrats,” or “insubordinate judges,” and “Make America Great Again!”

Fortunately, God has personally appointed Elon Musk, the multi-billionaire, Military-Industrial Complex embedded, transhumanist, global-capitalist oligarch, to serve as a Superhero-like savior, and rescue the American people from Evil! Or, OK, technically God personally appointed Trump, but Trump personally appointed Elon, which God knew he would do, being omniscient, and omnipotent, and so on.

So, basically, Elon has carte blanche from God to take whatever emergency measures to save America he deems appropriate, and anyone who stands in his way is “corrupt,” and “evil,” and an “enemy of the state,” who deserves to be arrested and prosecuted, and imprisoned, or at the very least harrassed and intimidated.

For example, Paula Kerger, CEO of PBS, who is being hauled in front of Elon’s DOGE Subcommittee to explain why PBS failed to conform to official “reality” as determined by Elon, and the ADL, and the MAGA Ministry of Truth.



Suppressive Persons like Paula Kerger and the staff of the Public Broadcasting System cannot be allowed to interpret events however they interpret them. We’re in a state of emergency! Screw all that freedom of speech and the press stuff! How can Elon rescue America if people are free to contradict what he says?!

After all, the American people elected Musk and Trump so that they could dictate what is “true,” and punish anyone who disagrees with them!

OK, sure, some of what they say isn’t true, or not exactly true, or is shameless lies, but sometimes you have to lie to people to save them from evil, because … well, people are stupid, so you have to bombard them with official propaganda and lies and whip them up into frenzies of fanatical hatred of your official enemies.


For example, the “fifty-million-dollar USAID terrorist condom bomb” story…



…which, of course, was a load of ridiculous bullshit. But that doesn’t matter, because the primary purpose of official propaganda is not to trick anyone; it is to disseminate talking points to your followers who will repeat whatever preposterous lies you make up like a bunch of lobotomized parrots.

Or the “Reuters was paid millions for social deception” story, which was also bullshit, but which Elon and his minions got their legion of morons to mindlessly repeat, over and over, and over again, on Elon’s social media platform, X…which, in case it hasn’t quite sunk in yet, is a propaganda apparatus of the US government, as in it’s literally owned and operated by a Military-Industrial Complex embedded, global corporatist government official.



But whatever. Who gives a shit what’s true? We’re saving America from Libtardism, and deep-state agents, and the transgender Communists! There is a fucking war on! Screw the truth!

Oh yeah, and also, screw the rule of law and the Constitution of the United States! If the judges won’t obey Elon’s orders, impeach them! They’re destroying America!



And if journalists won’t conform to MAGA Newspeak, ban them from attending our glorious leaders’ events! Unperson them! Make examples of them! Unleash the basic pleasure model on them!



Also, the arts! The arts are full of perverts! We need to get the whole art thing cleaned up! Trump firing the board of the Kennedy Center and installing himself as Chairman was a good start, but if we’re going to Make America Great Again, we’re going to need to get a little more radical. Perhaps a new Degenerate Art exhibition! Elon could name one of his coder kids “National MAGA Minister of Culture”! There must be a database of all the degenerate artists and writers and intellectuals somewhere!



I know, you’re thinking this all sounds a bit drastic, but remember, we’re in a state of emergency! It’s a crisis! There’s no time to stop and think! Or question our leaders or The Science, or whatever! The woke mind virus is spreading like wildfire!

Plus, the shock-and-awe phase won’t last. It’s just a few weeks to flatten the curve, or maybe a few months, or until Elon and his buddies develop an anti-woke-mind-virus “vaccine,” or an anti-libtard Neuralink implant, or we all fly off to Mars, or whatever.

In the meantime, the most important thing to do — apart from mindlessly parroting whatever lies Elon and his sycophants post on X — is to get down on your knees and thank him, and his consortium of global-capitalist behemoths, and Saudi royals, and assorted oligarchs, for literally saving freedom of speech, and America, and freedom, and anything else you can think of to grovelingly thank him for!



If you’re not sure how to do that properly, my old friends Jeffrey and Chris can help!



Oh, and, sorry, I lied. This is a test. Just like the “Covid pandemic” was a test. Pretty much everything in life is a test. A test that we take, and then grade, ourselves.

How are you doing on this one so far?