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I don't know where to turn , RN is the only place for me to talk about this - ancientlight - 07-29-2024
Hi all. So sorry to only post when it's about myself as I rarely reply anymore .
You don't need to reply, I'm just happy to have a place to vent.
I've been swamped in depression worse now than ever. I've lost interest in most of activities I once enjoyed, except music , roblox and some short videos on youtube, but now those interests have been sliding as well.
I'm basically forcing myself to keep listening to music, and to keep playing roblox because if I don't I feel it will just become worse and worse.
There's so much going on in my head and there's so much wrong with my life that it just feels like a giant mess.
If I were to go to a therapist I wouldn't even know where to begin, at least online I can take my time typing it all out, and it's comforting to think that at least maybe one person reads it.
Basically I'm not just dealing with depression, but also anxiety, and OCD.
The OCD is related to when I was seperated from my young son for years (long-story I won't bore you with now).
Then I also have stress from my work, if you can even call it that. There's my rentals that barely break-even, I think I'm at a loss now. I've been trying to learn to code for years, all unpaid effort off course ( I do have a portfolio now )
I have some disability income , but had to pay back a huge chunk a few months back , because appearantly I made 'too much' with my rentals.
My rentals now have both been empty for more than 2 months each, and I will lose another full months rent to my agent.
I was dealing with tons of crap from leaking skylights, and mold remediation, and broken toilets, dated decor , etc all while on a limited budget.
I'm also stressing about my aunt . She's my only aunt as far as I'm concerned and I know I will never see her again.
She lives in the Netherlands, I live in Florida. She's 95 . I can only call once a week because then a caregiver will answer the phone, she won't answer anymore (dementia).
I'm stressing about my mom , she's also elderly , and there isn't a day where I don't worry about her. Luckily my mom lives 20 minutes from me. We do have a codependent relationship. We are too close. Unlike with my father who I had zero bond with.
I hate that I'm stuck also living in Florida while I never wanted to move here in the damn first place. Everyday I'm silently cursing my father for blackmailing me all those years ago into moving here.
I'm stuck here and I know I can't and won't travel anymore even to the Netherlands, maybe never again.
I worry if I were to travel without my mom, something may happen to her while I'm in the Netherlands.
To travel with my mom would be just as stressful.
The one 'best' friend I had in the Netherlands , who I've know since 14 (now 52), doesn't care whether I'm dead or alive IMO.
The last time I saw this 'best' friend was before my son was born (august 2010). She has issues, and expected me to visit her in her town everytime I would visit from the US. So I've no seen here since.
But so before august 2010 this was still a relatively wonderful time in my life, where I regurarly visited the Netherlands, visited my aunt and best friend, and my mom would sometimes travel with me as well.
All that has stopped completely since 2022. In 2022 I travelled to see my aunt, with my mom, and my aunt was in really bad shape. The trip was a nightmare and I know I will not return now.
I miss those days almost everyday. I miss the old days with my aunt, my best friend, when my mom was younger and I didn't constantly worry about her.
Things will never return to that. I had no problem accepting I would never date again, but I have a hard time accepting that things will never return to those happier days.
I basically spend my days silently grieving my lost happier days, juggling useless barely paid jobs, juggling the excessive amounts of administration that comes with rentals (including tons of emails that i have to save), juggling my OCD, all while battling anxiety and depression.
I can't get organized, most of the time I feel overwhelmed, and spend even 'weekends' working through it all.
Just today I looked up online an image to see what it would look like in months how much time I have left (as in sentence left) won't suicide (loved ones)
https://www.bryanbraun.com/your-life/weeks.html
On a happier note, some might like this band. I just remembered them after forgetting about them for so long:
Worst is my son saying he knows I'm depressed (he's 13). I thought I hid it pretty well.
I should add I have no friends , maybe my ex (who lives in sweden sons father) and visits once or twice a year.
I've long gotten over any loneliness and I'm numb all the time.
Thanks for letting me vent.
RE: I don't know where to turn , RN is the only place for me to talk about this - OmegaLogos - 07-29-2024
(07-29-2024, 06:01 AM)ancientlight Wrote: Hi all. So sorry to only post when it's about myself as I rarely reply anymore .
You don't need to reply, I'm just happy to have a place to vent.
[edited by OL]
Thanks for letting me vent.
Explanation: I see your monsters , I see your pain ok!
Personal Disclosure: And I'm sorry you are feeling down eh!
You're important and I hear you!
For what it is worth ... Lotsa love from me ok!
Hug your son, hold on to him and let him know that whatever may be, that you love him no matter what!
And may that help heal you!
Be well and seek me out via Personal Messages if you ever need to vent privately eh.
Praying for you and your son and your mother and your aunt!
RE: I don't know where to turn , RN is the only place for me to talk about this - Bally002 - 07-29-2024
(07-29-2024, 06:01 AM)ancientlight Wrote: Hi all. So sorry to only post when it's about myself as I rarely reply anymore .
You don't need to reply, I'm just happy to have a place to vent.
I should add I have no friends ,
I've long gotten over any loneliness and I'm numb all the time.
Thanks for letting me vent.
I understand. Feel the same way at times when my wife is at work most nights for hours and since all the kids have lefty home.
I generally sleep on a mattress next to the fireplace with the dogs and cats.
In saying that I am happy when true love gets home and so are the animals. We miss her.
Do you have any animals that care? If not I suggest they are good therapy for loneliness. Another aspect is this joint "RN" which I lurk upon and occasionally put a post up. Knocks the loneliness for 6.
By all means reply and perhaps all your friends here, including me and true love, will support you.
You're precious to us.
My kind regards and thoughts,
Bally
RE: I don't know where to turn , RN is the only place for me to talk about this - sailorsam - 07-29-2024
sorry to hear
hope things get better
going to church helps me a lot.
here's a brief bit of music you might like
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkvRc8IvND4
(Youtube is really pushing the commercials
)keep us updated
RE: I don't know where to turn , RN is the only place for me to talk about this - FlickerOfLight - 07-29-2024
I can relate to a lot of what you've said here. I've vented all over this place recently, and yes, I was glad that I could at least lay it all out somewhere and get it all off of my chest.
Depression is a monster that is hard to shake. Like OL, said you aren't alone. I myself went through a long stretch of the absolute darkest depression I had ever faced just recently. When I thought it couldn't get any worse, it did. To the point of that "no other choice" "no other way to stop it" voice kept nagging at me. That weight you're talking about here is very similar to what I was carrying, and it had just become too heavy, and I had been carrying it for too long. I really almost gave up. I hung in there, and held on to my faith, and also held on to hope.
I came out of it, AL, and when I did I felt stronger than I ever had. I dealt with the pain and the reality of it all. I had to accept it. Once I did that the skies cleared up and the sun came back out. I felt that weight lifted off of me. I could breathe again.
This doesn't mean that I have it all figured out. It doesn't mean the pain is gone, or that I have come to understand any of it any better, and no, nothing is really better about the situation at all. Right now though, today, I am content and at peace. I'll deal with the next storm when it comes.
I'm telling you this because I wanted to remind you that there is hope. We may not be able to fix everything, but we can make peace with the things we can't fix or change. I'm just now coming to this, and have realized that this is what had been holding me back.
I was in rehab by the time I was 22 and I learned this prayer way back then, and it has stuck with me all of these years because it is the perfect request in these situations. Even if you don't believe in God, the lesson is still solid.
It's called the "serenity prayer."
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
May peace find you soon...
RE: I don't know where to turn , RN is the only place for me to talk about this - ancientlight - 07-29-2024
(07-29-2024, 07:12 AM)Bally002 Wrote:I hate to say it , but at least you're not alone. I'll be single the rest of my days for sure, which I'm fine with.(07-29-2024, 06:01 AM)ancientlight Wrote: Hi all. So sorry to only post when it's about myself as I rarely reply anymore .
You don't need to reply, I'm just happy to have a place to vent.
I should add I have no friends ,
I've long gotten over any loneliness and I'm numb all the time.
Thanks for letting me vent.
I understand. Feel the same way at times when my wife is at work most nights for hours and since all the kids have lefty home.
I generally sleep on a mattress next to the fireplace with the dogs and cats.
In saying that I am happy when true love gets home and so are the animals. We miss her.
Do you have any animals that care? If not I suggest they are good therapy for loneliness. Another aspect is this joint "RN" which I lurk upon and occasionally put a post up. Knocks the loneliness for 6.
By all means reply and perhaps all your friends here, including me and true love, will support you.
You're precious to us.
My kind regards and thoughts,
Bally
I just worry how i'll cope when something happens to my mom, with no support network to speak of.
When me and my ex were still in a relationship and my father died, it was a huge support.
Anyway, I couldn't care less about 'love'. It's a support network that I need and I've given up on as well.
I am truly F*d if something happens to my mom.
The way I see it what will happen, I will stop eating alltogether as I'll be too depressed and die from starvation, or I will just lose a ton of weight, eventually start eating and magically slowly recover.
The dysfunctional family dynamics make everything so much worse if something were to happen to her.
If I could just cut out the OCD from my head, make my mom and aunt 20 years younger each , and eliminate all evil 1%ers my problems would be manageable and I would be so much happier again.
Off course this can't happen, not in life anyway.
RE: I don't know where to turn , RN is the only place for me to talk about this - FlickerOfLight - 07-30-2024
Hello again, ancientlight.
I had you're story on my mind throughout the night last night, and then again this evening. I read it all again and we do share a lot in common.
I had recently stopped listening to music, which was huge for me. Music being one of my great loves. I had also stopped enjoying movies even more recently. Which is another one of my favorite things to do to unwind and escape this reality; even if for a moment. I was coming out of that depression that I had mentioned and an opportunity arose for me, and I ended up taking on a new hobby. I started to garden a little bit. I've planted a few things out in the yard that I get to now learn more about. I bought a bougainvillea plant because of its beauty, but knew nothing about the thing. I read a little on the plant, and then found the ideal spot in the yard for it, and now I have learned a lot about it as it has grown and taking care of it. I had also made a pot with three different types of flowers. This has become my baby. I have come to realize that I love gardening. I have a routine with everything, and when I am "gardening" everything else dissappear. It's like nothing else exists but those plants. They give me a break from all the thinking. Even though it does not consume all of my day, it is nice to be able to do something that clears my mind and my spirit at the same time. I'm at total peace when caring for those plants. I wanted to share this with you yesterday, but got tunnel visoned in my thoughts, and so I came back to suggest taking up a new hobby. Something relaxing to you. Something new.
Hope this post finds you well.
RE: I don't know where to turn , RN is the only place for me to talk about this - MrJesterium - 07-30-2024
I can relate to feeling stuck. I've been stranded in WA state, living in the same apartment, state, for 24 years. It made me long for a change of surroundings, but I've got nowhere to go, most of my relatives live on the west coast, which will likely be hit by an earthquake or tsunami. So my only options seem to be heading up to Mt. Rainier or spending my last days at a lake I frequently visit, unless evacuation options are promptly made available, but the government will likely wait until the last minute before issuing warnings.
I used to have a best friend who lived here, we were thick as thieves, hanged out every day after school, but then he moved away. We assumed we were busy, so neither of us called each other, until I decided to get back in touch with him this year. I've made no close IRL friends ever since.
___
Mom: I can sorta relate to this, although my mom's age isn't nearly advanced.
I'm unable to take care of myself, mostly dependent on her. Despite living with her, I was estranged from her, having spent most of my time at home, I saw her negative side more. We used to get into fights over schoolwork, she'd push me to be successful, and over her dragging me to church. I found her overbearing, nagging. But when I started going out to the park with her this year, I saw more of her positive side, amused by how she interacted with wildlife. It seems people these days don't get many opportunities to show their better side to people.
If something happens to her, I'll likely end up in homeless.
This may sound harsh, but I wouldn't worry about your mom too much if she dies, those strong feelings can detain her here, they still receive our emotions/thoughts. Also, when she breathes her last, she can still hear you, even though she's unable to control her motor functions. The process of death is misunderstood. Friederike Hauffe recommends leaving the window open upon departure.
After 2025, scientists will begin making discoveries in another unseen world (not astral), which will enable them to prove the existence of life after death. Dannion Brinkley might finally get around to restoring ancient facilities and their functions, allowing survivors to talk with their deceased loved ones face-to-face, without the risks of seance/mediumship.
___
(07-29-2024, 06:01 AM)ancientlight Wrote: I worry if I were to travel without my mom, something may happen to her while I'm in the Netherlands. To travel with my mom would be just as stressful.Why would going with her be stressful?
I think it'd be a good idea to get back in touch with your ancestral land. A lot of European countries won't be around for much longer. Whether your time is spent with your mother or your aunt, you should strive to make the last days of their life the happiest it could be.
I have a friend who moved to Netherlands, she asked me, "Have you ever heard of the places you live or go to are there to teach you important life lessons?" And she claimed, "When you manage to learn a lesson, you end up in another place. I have been to the most random places I never thought I would make it too because of the lack of funds, etc."
Personal anecdote: She was worried about her mother retiring in a certain country, she followed her there to ensure her safety. She ended up learning more about her roots.
She was told, "if a part of you is missing then it is one's responsibility to go find it."
___
(07-29-2024, 06:01 AM)ancientlight Wrote: Worst is my son saying he knows I'm depressed (he's 13). I thought I hid it pretty well.When did he find out, how has this affected him? Does it feel like he keeps something from you?
That reminds me of something my friend Kate wrote. She had tried to keep her dad from knowing about the sad things in her life so she could preserve his smile which she found refreshing when she came home from school, her dad not knowing was worth it, "because there was enough bad in the world". Even if you're unable to express it in words, a smile makes a world's difference.
I also talked with a Palestinian user from Lebanon, who told me her parents didn't tell her about what was going on in their ancestral homeland so that she could grow up like other children, she believed they wanted to preserve her innocence or she was too young for it.
"If one sups with sorrow, one need not invite the world to see you eat."
- Ferdinand I of Bulgaria
Frederick the Great wrote in a letter, "I dine alone; I spend my life in reading and writing; and I do not sup. When one is sad, it becomes at last too burdensome to hide one's grief continually; and it is better to give way to it by oneself, than to carry one's gloom into society." But he also said, "Nothing solaces me but the vigorous application required in steady and continuous labor."
Stalin, upon losing his first wife, declared, "My personal life is shattered. Nothing attaches me to life except socialism. I’m going to dedicate my existence to that!"
After his second wife died, he no longer participated in dances, which he liked.
By seeking self-forgetfulness, giving oneself over to a worthy cause or an artistic interest, one can bear suffering a whole lot easier.
___
(07-29-2024, 12:58 PM)ancientlight Wrote: I have a hard time accepting that things will never return to those happier days. I basically spend my days silently grieving my lost happier days...I would urge you to start making new happy memories to replace the old ones.
In my case, I never had happy memories to begin with! I'm unable to remember anything from my childhood, due to mental block (from trauma?) or I was too young. So I started going outside and observing wildlife with my mom, and I've started being happy again.
Point is, we are here to have experiences and learn from them. My friend from Netherlands, who encouraged me to start going outside, told me this:
"Real life is why you are here. You are spreading information and trying to gain knowledge as well for your own cause. Don't get lost in those books and try to experience some things at least. You don't need social contact for that."
(07-29-2024, 12:58 PM)ancientlight Wrote: If I could just cut out the OCD from my head, make my mom and aunt 20 years younger each, and eliminate all evil 1%ers my problems would be manageable and I would be so much happier again. Of course this can't happen, not in life anyway.But life does end like that. Fairy tales reflect life more truly than modern works. The evil 1%ers are working furiously because they know they don't have enough time to carry out all of their plans, their days are numbered.
It's not your material conditions which make you unhappy, but your way of taking it the wrong way. In my sparetime, I like collecting contemporary stories about fate/destiny. https://old.reddit.com/r/occult/comments/taagu2/help_i_have_bad_luck_what_can_i_do/hzzmb9m/ "At other times, they might be a part of the greater acting as a vector to show us or give the additional nudge to propel us to a better version of ourselves."
https://old.reddit.com/r/Dreams/comments/or8z3h/july_25_2021/h6gp2cb/
"That many people have events happen to them which do not come from randomness, but are clearly written by some being or soul out there.
That some of the things in your life are clearly not random and are clearly a story of passion and emotions. How can an event which is felt be soulless?"
The famous German seeress, Buchela, Python of the Rhine, offered this advice:
"Only those who always believe themselves to be down on their luck and never count on happiness will carelessly pass by the provided strands and fail to perceive them in their dull senses. For them, it always remains dark because they do not expect the light and do not want to see it. Believe a little in your happiness and it will come."
I also suffer from OCD. In my case, I'm constantly plagued with intrusive thoughts when I'm not preoccupied, it's part of the reason why I stopped going outside for so long.
As for music, I don't force myself to listen to music, I NEED it to drown out the thoughts. Nietzsche: "How little it takes to make us happy! The sound of a bagpipe. Without music, life would be an error."
(07-29-2024, 12:58 PM)ancientlight Wrote: I miss the old days with my aunt, my best friend, when my mom was younger and I didn't constantly worry about her.Music may help bringing these memories back to the surface. I came across a strangely fascinating experience which was neither a dream nor a vision. It was just some guy reminiscencing about his past, while listening to music dozing off. Most importantly, he had resolved himself to be happy and appreciate what he has.
RE: I don't know where to turn , RN is the only place for me to talk about this - ancientlight - 07-31-2024
(07-30-2024, 12:38 AM)FlickerOfLight Wrote: Hello again, ancientlight.
I had you're story on my mind throughout the night last night, and then again this evening. I read it all again and we do share a lot in common.
I had recently stopped listening to music, which was huge for me. Music being one of my great loves. I had also stopped enjoying movies even more recently. Which is another one of my favorite things to do to unwind and escape this reality; even if for a moment. I was coming out of that depression that I had mentioned and an opportunity arose for me, and I ended up taking on a new hobby. I started to garden a little bit. I've planted a few things out in the yard that I get to now learn more about. I bought a bougainvillea plant because of its beauty, but knew nothing about the thing. I read a little on the plant, and then found the ideal spot in the yard for it, and now I have learned a lot about it as it has grown and taking care of it. I had also made a pot with three different types of flowers. This has become my baby. I have come to realize that I love gardening. I have a routine with everything, and when I am "gardening" everything else dissappear. It's like nothing else exists but those plants. They give me a break from all the thinking. Even though it does not consume all of my day, it is nice to be able to do something that clears my mind and my spirit at the same time. I'm at total peace when caring for those plants. I wanted to share this with you yesterday, but got tunnel visoned in my thoughts, and so I came back to suggest taking up a new hobby. Something relaxing to you. Something new.
Hope this post finds you well.
I thought this before of you as well, that we share some similarities. Thanks for the suggestion. I would enjoy gardening, if I wasn't in heatwave Florida and add bugs to that. No , I hate stepping a foot into the garden here (there's snapping turtles as well).
My hobby would be music, playing some instrument, and I've tried multiple times in my life to learn to play some instrument, but then life and mental health issues get in the way and it stops.
Right now I'm just in survival mode, trying to get through each day, and happy if I make it to the end of the day without any major events.
I hope your day is going well at least.
(07-30-2024, 12:59 AM)MrJesterium Wrote: After 2025, scientists will begin making discoveries in another unseen world (not astral), which will enable them to prove the existence of life after death. Dannion Brinkley might finally get around to restoring ancient facilities and their functions, allowing survivors to talk with their deceased loved ones face-to-face, without the risks of seance/mediumship.Thanks for your reply. I would love to hear more about the 2025 plan of scientists to talk to the desceased?
___
(07-29-2024, 06:01 AM)ancientlight Wrote: I worry if I were to travel without my mom, something may happen to her while I'm in the Netherlands. To travel with my mom would be just as stressful.Why would going with her be stressful?
I think it'd be a good idea to get back in touch with your ancestral land. A lot of European countries won't be around for much longer. Whether your time is spent with your mother or your aunt, you should strive to make the last days of their life the happiest it could be.
(07-29-2024, 06:01 AM)ancientlight Wrote: Worst is my son saying he knows I'm depressed (he's 13). I thought I hid it pretty well.When did he find out, how has this affected him? Does it feel like he keeps something from you?
___
(07-29-2024, 12:58 PM)ancientlight Wrote: I have a hard time accepting that things will never return to those happier days. I basically spend my days silently grieving my lost happier days...I would urge you to start making new happy memories to replace the old ones.
I would love to travel with my mom, but it's stressful because she's now 85. I would constantly just worry more about her, then when we're home and she has her comforts, etc. I imagine something happening during a 8 hour flight, not fun to say the least.
We would stay at my aunts usually, but my aunt is now 95 and suffering from dementia. It would be depressing beyond words for both me and mom, if I remember what our last trip was like. It's just not the same. Also , it's depressing realizing we would have to go back 'home' after a few weeks. Just not worth it anymore at this point sadly.
I don't know how my son found out that I was depressed. I certainly never talked to anyone about it. I know I gently grilled him when he had said this , and he just smiled in his way and would not say more. He's very wise and observant for his age. He was born a wise adult IMO.
I would love to make new happy memories , just not that easy. For me , the only place to travel to that is worthwhile atm is Europe, as I'm forced stuck in the US. And with barely any family there that gives a crap about me it's just depressing to visit. Same with my old best friend. Too depressing. Zero interest in travelling to other countries.
I'm at least doing a bit better today, the usual up & downs off course.
Hope you're doing well.
RE: I don't know where to turn , RN is the only place for me to talk about this - MrJesterium - 07-31-2024
(07-29-2024, 06:01 AM)ancientlight Wrote: I've lost interest in most of activities I once enjoyed, except music, roblox and some short videos on youtube, but now those interests have been sliding as well.I almost forgot to mention this, but there's an essay that delves into why this is happening: https://psychosynthesisresources.com/NieuweBestanden/conflicts.pdf
Specifically, Dr. Roberto Assagioli wrote, "Personal interests that previously occupied the bulk of his attention start to fade, their importance and value to diminish. New problems present themselves that prompt him to questiont he direction of life." It helps a lot to know at which stage of a spiritual crisis you're at.
RA's ideas are good and sound (though he's obscured by Carl Jung), but his organization's probably compromised.
(07-31-2024, 02:39 AM)ancientlight Wrote: My hobby would be music, playing some instrument, and I've tried multiple times in my life to learn to play some instrument, but then life and mental health issues get in the way and it stops.Both my parents were pianists, but I had no talent for piano. Nietzsche once pointed out that Schopenhauer enjoyed playing the flute, which made him question if he was as pessimistic as people believed. The truth is, you don't have to be able to play a musical instrument to be a musically senstive person.
I used to play the flute in school, but like you, that stuff got in the way. So I turned to philosophy (not the modern bs peddled in academies, I mean Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, Epiktetos). Sokrates-Plato hinted about the relationship between music and philosophy: music resumes where words leave off, and vice versa. By philosophizing, Sokrates was already composing music.
(07-29-2024, 12:58 PM)ancientlight Wrote: I would love to hear more about the 2025 plan of scientists to talk to the deceased?I don't know the exact details, and it's not like scientists will be on board with this right away. A famine will likely force them to search for a cure for diseases, leaving no stone unturned, so they'll stumble across
a new world. Ghosts can't convince them, but maybe seeing phenomena with their expanded organic sight will make them reconsider everything they believed they knew about natural laws.
(07-29-2024, 12:58 PM)ancientlight Wrote: I would love to travel with my mom, but it's stressful because she's now 85. I would constantly just worry more about her, then when we're home and she has her comforts, etc. I imagine something happening during a 8 hour flight, not fun to say the least.My mom could probably relate to that, she worries about leaving our grandma by herself after the caregiver leaves. (Our grandma is 99 years old, just 4 years older than your aunt.)
I guess a sudden emergency during a flight would be anxiety-inducing.
Well, who's to say the next trip will be just as bad? The next life is slightly better than the one before. Also, history doesn't repeat itself the same way as before.
(07-29-2024, 12:58 PM)ancientlight Wrote: I don't know how my son found out that I was depressed. I certainly never talked to anyone about it. I know I gently grilled him when he had said this, and he just smiled in his way and would not say more. He's very wise and observant for his age. He was born a wise adult IMO.Maybe kids just know, like how animals know how to do things without being taught or like how a mom might sense when their kid is in danger. Nikola Tesla wrote about how someone who was highly sensitive/observant could anticipate dangers.
What kind of subjects is he interested in learning about?
(07-29-2024, 12:58 PM)ancientlight Wrote: For me, the only place to travel to that is worthwhile atm is Europe, as I'm forced stuck in the US. And with barely any family there that gives a crap about me it's just depressing to visit.Has the US no shortage of natural places, landmarks, cultural sites, etc. to visit?
If I could go to the park or library every day, I would choose that over being stuck at home.
None of my relatives talk with me nowadays, my interactions with them are as superficial as making small talk with strangers. I don't go outside for social company, which can be soul-crushing (it'd be better for you to find some interest to occupy your attention with), but to draw observations from nature by myself, with my mom, or a close friend (if I had one IRL).
RE: I don't know where to turn , RN is the only place for me to talk about this - DuckforcoveR - 08-02-2024
I certainly don't want to turn this post into something about me, but I'll just say your OP explained me 100% for the last few years.
I think RN needs a zoom option for a weekly call. Could be substance issues, MH issues, or just a safe space to unload.
My new "church" offers it and I was blown away by the response when joining. Not the type of church you would think of, but to me it's touching at a level I haven't had my entire life.
Just remember, life is short and many people (most people) are still good. But also, most struggle with similar issues and are also searching for an avenue to spill the dam.
Let's do RN weekly roundtable!
RE: I don't know where to turn , RN is the only place for me to talk about this - Infolurker - 08-02-2024
I swear it is everywhere.
Everyone is on edge. Anxiety, Sadness.... knowing something is wrong. Almost like animals before a storm. They know something bad is coming.
RE: I don't know where to turn , RN is the only place for me to talk about this - NightskyeB4Dawn - 08-02-2024
This is going to sound crazy, but give it a try.
I try to carry a pencil and a few post it notes with me at all times. If you don't have one, you can usually get a pen or pencil from somewhere. They are those stray items that most people have laying around and rarely use. You can usually find something to write on if it is no more than a napkin.
I have found a temporary, yet fast fix for depression is drawing. You don't have to be an artist, and it doesn't matter how it looks. It is to reset your brain and thought processes.
Just draw something you can imagine, or what you actually see. You will find that when you are drawing, your mind empties off all other thoughts.
You may find that your drawing gets better with time, and that you actually enjoy it, but that is not the goal. Clearing your mind, giving it a rest from toxic thoughts, can go a long way in ridding yourself of depression.
It is cheap, you can do it anywhere, it works fast, the only downside is that it is temporary.
I had a patient that I shared this little secret with, and he was reluctant to try it because he said he didn't know how to draw.
I convinced him to at least try it. I gave him a tiny notebook and a pencil. I was pleasantly surprised when he dropped past the hospital a couple of weeks later to show me his notebook. It was full of nice small works of art.
You could actually see the progress of his work over even that short amount of time. He said it really worked for him and it really worked in helping him with his bouts of depression.
Try it and let me know how it works.
RE: I don't know where to turn , RN is the only place for me to talk about this - Ninurta - 08-02-2024
(07-30-2024, 12:59 AM)MrJesterium Wrote: ...
After 2025, scientists will begin making discoveries in another unseen world (not astral), which will enable them to prove the existence of life after death. Dannion Brinkley might finally get around to restoring ancient facilities and their functions, allowing survivors to talk with their deceased loved ones face-to-face, without the risks of seance/mediumship.
...
I think scientists dealing with spooks are doomed to failure. It's two entirely separate areas of inquiry. Science supposedly deals with the natural, spirits (and religion in general) with the supernatural. comparing the natural and the supernatural is like comparing apples to cinder blocks.
That's why I think the paranormal researchers at Duke are barking up the wrong tree.
It's also why I laugh at science-minded folks scoffing at religion, and religious minded folks scoffing at science - neither understand that the other is simply out of their purview. It's not in their wheel house, and they are just scoffing at things they have no comprehension of nor aptitude for. Science will never prove (nor disprove) religion or spirituality any more than religion or spirituality will ever prove science. For starters, one would have to be open minded enough to explore the other, and neither are that open-minded. But beyond that, the two areas are different enough that what works in one does not work in the other.
The fields don't have enough overlap for one to prod the other on an equal footing.
"The mind" or "consciousness", and the attempts of psychology to fathom them are good examples. My first wife is a PhD. psychologist, and I was there to help her study when she was on that path, before arrival. I could see what psychologists were trying to pass off as "science", and compare that to actual sciences, like physics or biology. That was enough to convince me that there is no real difference between "psychology" and "parapsychology",and that neither are actual science.
There is still, after all this time, no consensus in science as to what "mind" or "consciousness" actually is, or where it comes from. Spiritual based philosophies can and do explain that, but science cannot. That is because science is approaching a non-physical phenomena with physically-oriented tools, whereas spirituality is not. In the same way,spirituality cannot explain the engineering of a car engine using spiritually-based tools.
Continuing with the automobile analogy, science can prescribe medicines to affect the mind... but ae they, really,affecting the mind? Or are they instead merely effecting it's expression via mechanical means, but leaving mind itself untouched? Are they effecting the actual air or gasoline of the human engine, or simply affecting the air-fuel mixture and what it does (expresses) after it gets past the carburetor or fuel injector? Are they actually effecting the mind, or merely tinkering with the valves in order to adjust it's expression?
That's why I have no use for psychology (or parapsychology) - it's not out of animosity left over from my first marriage, it's out of gaining an understanding of it, and how it compares to actual science, that occurred during that marriage.
If I wanted to use dolomite as a means of communicating with the spiritual, then I would seek out a shaman If I wanted to know the specific gravity of that dolomite, then i would seek out a scientist. I wouldn't ask the shaman about the specific gravity, nor would I ask the scientist how it's used to communicate with other realms.
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RE: I don't know where to turn , RN is the only place for me to talk about this - Schmoe - 08-02-2024
It is tough trying to keep the darkness at bay, especially with kids, because we don't want them to see us like that. I'm 38, and I move in and out of happiness/anxiety/depression. I have two young daughters, and they're a joy 85% of the time. They truly keep me going. I'm not sure how I'm gonna do when they move out. It's like a countdown for me. Only 8 years until my oldest is 18. So I try to savor it, and it pisses me off when the depression comes, because I know it's sometimes time that got wasted. I don't think that way in an episode of depression, it hits me after the fact.
I sort of fell into the same pattern as you. No friends, didn't care to have any, all that matters is my family. Things get repetitive like that though. Wake up, work, shower, see the kids for a few hours, eat, sleep, rinse and repeat. Getting in shape helped for me, it's a healthy hobby and makes you feel great, physically and mentally. I wish I could offer better advice, but I haven't figured it out either, yet. I miss playing hockey, so I've been planning on buying some equipment just to go play pickup games. Maybe a hobby from your past that you really loved would help you feel like the old you.
My kids have me playing Roblox with them too. They showed me all their delinquent ways of robbing houses in Brookhaven, I have a blast pulling heists with them ?
RE: I don't know where to turn , RN is the only place for me to talk about this - MrJesterium - 08-02-2024
(08-02-2024, 03:28 AM)NightskyeB4Dawn Wrote: Try it and let me know how it works.This is probably the best advice I've come across! You just gave me the idea to try drawing outdoors while visiting the park. There is a pond I've grown fond of visiting, sometimes the ducks come up to people and stand still, staring at them. I won't be able to go there again until next week. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes.
Like your patient, I also suck at drawing, I struggle with drawing proportions.
I recently received a copy of Audubon's Birds of America as a gift, I've been trying my hand at tracing and managed to get the proportions right for once. Napkins come in handy for when you want to just copy from existing artwork, easier to see through.
Looks like there's a reliable method for getting the proportions right:
https://monikazagrobelna.com/2020/02/10/drawing-101-how-to-draw-proportions/